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Band 4.5

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #quality #life #centuries
These days, the world is in
4.0
Correct article usage
the 4.0
show examples
 age known as the age of modern devices and
creativity
Replace the word
a creative
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 mindset.
Due to
 the appearance of many inventions,
this
 upgrades the standard
living
Change preposition
of living
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 these days.
Hence
, I totally agree with
this
 opinion and in
this
 essay, I will clarify it. First of all, with the development of medicine, researchers are finding and discovering many better treatment solutions in order to solve issues about people’s health.
Besides
, many doctors and nurses have graduated
high
Change preposition
with high
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 qualifications from many
pregtious
Correct your spelling
precious
previous
prestigious
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
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 in every region in our country.
Furthermore
, they must go through many years
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 training about specialized knowledge and how to behave with patients professionally.
Thus
, many problems about our mental or physical health will be handled efficiently.
Second,
due to
 the invention of many new building materials, the facilities and infrastructures had improved and
also
 proved the beauty of architecture of every age.
This
 brings a lot of benefits to the residents’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because it has made
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
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 conditions for them in their working, studying and moving.
Third,
in the 21st century, the
extremely
Change the word
extreme
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 wars had ended and the antiquated ideology had changed. Now, almost
countries
Correct determiner usage
all countries
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 around the world are concentrating on developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 and supporting their inhabitants by many policies.
The
Correct pronoun usage
Our
show examples
 mindset of us open as well and we have
multi-dimensional
Correct article usage
a multi-dimensional
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 perspective about everything that
happen
Change the verb form
happens
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 in life. We do not have to suffer from judging
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone else, because now we live by our own emotions. In conclusion, from
small
Correct article usage
the small
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 things below, it can
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
 very clearly that the quality of our life
are
Change the verb form
is
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 improving better and better and it
also
 requires our achievement
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our standard of living as well.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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task achievement
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task achievement
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task achievement
Work on expanding and elaborating your main points with specific examples and evidence to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a logical sequence of ideas that progresses naturally from one point to the next, making your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, and improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing which may hinder the clarity of your argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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