IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

BULLYING BEHAVIOR HAS BECOME A MAJOR PRLEM AT SCHOOLS. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM?

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In modern society,
violence
Use synonyms
 in schools is rising and playground bullying seems to be increasing. The issue is whether or not parents deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem by teaching their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 to fight back. The arguments on both sides of
debate
Add an article
the debate
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 need to
be examine
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be examined
show examples
 carefully. Many people believe that
violence
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 only breeds
further
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violence
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. Evidence for
this
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 is found in
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
 which shows that students who grow up in violent families often tend to be violent themself.
Furthermore
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, some children may enjoy
yhe
Correct your spelling
the
 power associated with
violence
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 and develop into bullies.
However
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, there are examples of bullying stopped
as a result
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 of victims hitting back.
This
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 examines that there are occasions
which
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in which
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
 may help to end
bulliying
Correct your spelling
bullying
.
Along with
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, looking at the issues in the long term, there is a strong case for supporting parents who promote anti-
violence
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 behaviour. If children learn that there are other ways of solving
disagrrement
Correct your spelling
disagreement
disagreements
,
then
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 it is possible that when those children become adults, they will behave
similarly
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 and try to solve the conflicts through discussion and compromise rather than by force. In my view,
this
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 is
Correct article usage
a powerfull
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powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
 argument for encouraging a non-vıolent approach to school bullies.
To sum up
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, Another
aspects
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aspect
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 of
this
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 issue is the fact that bullying occurs
in
Change preposition
during
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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school time when parents
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 present.
Hence
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, it could be argued that it is better for schools to deal with
this
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 problem by promoting anti-bullying policies and offering
supports
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support
show examples
 to victims.

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structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction needs to succinctly present the main topic and the writer's view, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments made.
cohesion
Focus on creating well-organized paragraphs with a clear main idea and supporting sentences that develop that idea. Transition words should be used to guide the reader through the arguments.
task completion
Address the questions fully by discussing both the causes of bullying and the potential solutions. Provide detailed examples and explanations for each point made.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to keep the reader engaged.
accuracy
Check your work for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors that can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Researchs should be changed to 'research,' and 'offsprings' to 'offspring.'

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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