IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents do not need to do that as children can read books or watch TV, movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some would argue that there is no need for
parents
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 to read stories since
children
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 can help themselves with reading and watching videos.
While
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 allowing
children
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 to explore books or movies encourages them to be independent, I believe that storytelling is a great measure to help offspring's
development
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. On the one hand, when
children
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 engage with books, TV, or movies on their own, they may develop critical thinking skills by interpreting and analyzing the content without immediate guidance.
Furthermore
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, independent exploration exposes
children
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 to a wide range of narratives and perspectives beyond what
parents
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 might select.
This
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 exposure can contribute to a more comprehensive understanding of the world.
For example
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, generations born with smartphones, tend to feel more alone and isolated than older generations which leads to mental health issues in their formative years.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 does not improve
children
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's
development
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 because letting the kids stay alone for a long time will make them have autism.
On the other hand
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, reading or telling stories can create a strong emotional bond between
parents
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 and
children
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. The shared experience fosters a sense of connection and emotional
development
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.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 can provide guidance and explanations during the storytelling process, enhancing the child's comprehension and learning.
This
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 interactive approach may contribute to better cognitive and linguistic
development
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.
For instance
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, neglected babies, are proven to have emotional control and communication problems in their adulthood. In conclusion,
although
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 allowing
children
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 to explore media independently provides flexibility and convenience, it is not better than
parents
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 spending their time with the young by telling stories.

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logical structure
The structure of your essay requires improvement. Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both views and your opinion. Your conclusion should effectively summarize your discussion and restate your stance.
introduction conclusion present
It is critical to provide an introduction and a conclusion that clearly reflect the content of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main point supported by relevant information.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear reasoning and examples. Ensure that the examples provided directly reinforce the argument you are making.
complete response
Make sure you address all parts of the prompt. Your response should give a balanced discussion of both views mentioned in the task and then clearly provide your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas need to be clarified and developed in greater detail. Aim to have clear and comprehensive arguments that are well thought out and explained.
relevant specific examples
Utilize specific examples that are relevant and enhance your argument. Make sure the examples are well-integrated into your discussion and contribute to the overall point being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional connection
  • language development
  • cultural or familial meanings
  • instill values
  • diverse perspectives
  • creative content
  • independent thinking
  • narratives
  • imagination
  • autonomy
  • versatile
  • constraints
  • supplement
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