The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?
The migration of
people
who lived in agricultural areas
to urban cities
has raised issues in both places. This
essay believes the cause of this
problem is linked to the work satisfaction of the people
in agricultural areas
and this
can be solved by the government
by equally distributing the number of big companies
in both places.
The source of income of people
who live in rural areas
mostly comes from cultivation. Although
people
who worked in this
field contributed a lot to the food that society consumed, the salary rates did not meet the expectations of its workers. Many of them feel that how much they earned are not in line with the long hours that they sacrificed when working overtime. For instance
, farmers in Indonesia were paid below the minimum wage and worked the longest compared to any other jobs.
The problem above results in a high number of people
moving to big cities
, making it too crowded for people
in urban cities
to do their activities. This
problem can be tackled by distributing government
companies
in big cities
, as well as
private companies
to rural areas
. This
way, people
who live in agricultural areas
can have the chance to level up their work life in order to get more money with less overtime working. To illustrate, the government
can make new regulations about having subholding
Correct your spelling
sub-holding
sub holding
companies
located in rural towns for each company in big cities
.
In conclusion, the transformation of the agricultural areas
and big cities
that caused problems in both places due to
transmigration had raised because of the work satisfaction in rural areas
. The solution to this
issue is distributing the number of companies
in urban cities
by the government
.Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task and provides a clear response to the question. However, the suggestion to distribute companies to rural areas can be expanded. Consider discussing other potential solutions as well.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows well into the next. While the logical structure is mostly clear, enhancing the complexity and depth of your arguments can bolster cohesion.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the problem and sets up the essay well.
task achievement
The essay includes a logical explanation of the problem, supported by a relevant example of farmers in Indonesia.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite