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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In some countries, the increasing intensity of urbanization leads to the decreasing
number
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 of
people
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 living in the countryside. In my view,
this
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 should be perceived as a negative trend for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, the total population of cities is increasing, which makes the cities dense and creates various troubles. As an example, the metropolis
areas
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 are prone to flooding. The fact that the
number
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 of
people
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 residing in metropolises gradually rises leads to a higher demand for housing, and
this
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 transforms the lands that are supposed to be absorbance
areas
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 into building
areas
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. The problems are not only the lack of absorbent soil but
also
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 the
number
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 of communities who are unemployed, which is rising since the job competition is getting more intense. The unemployed demographics can be a burden to the cities’ governments because they cannot afford a decent living for themselves and depend on the ruling powers.
Secondly
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, the
development
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 of countryside
areas
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 is potentially affected. The
development
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 of a place is influenced by the community there. The more massive the population growth, the more infrastructures are needed since there will be a society that takes care of the
development
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. In
this
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 case, if there are inhabitants in the suburbs, the expansions are likely heightened.
Furthermore
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, rural
areas
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 support urban
areas
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 with their agricultural practices.
Therefore
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, these kinds of practices are
also
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 negatively impacting urban societies. As
people
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 are moving out to the suburbs, the
number
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 of
people
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 who are working in farming sectors will constantly decrease, which can cause a significant reduction in agricultural production.
This
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 situation will
also
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 have a long-term impact because no one will inherit farming knowledge.
This
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 trend could lead to the abandonment of sustainable practices. In conclusion, the rural-to-urban migration trends are creating problems for both
areas
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 because the cities are becoming denser, and the
development
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 of rural
areas
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 is hampered, which is a negative
development
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. To address
this
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 issue, policymakers and governments shall focus on promoting balanced regional
development
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 by providing facilities for
people
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, mainly the youth, to stay in the suburbs.
Submitted by someonewhodwells on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which you have done effectively. However, try to add a more nuanced thesis statement that outlines the main points that will be discussed.
main points
Work on developing clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph succinctly. Ensure that these sentences are clear and focused.
specific examples
The examples provided are applicable, yet they could be enhanced by including specific instances or data to support the assertions made. This will add depth to the analysis and make the argument more persuasive.
cohesion
You have displayed an ability to structure the essay in a logical way, leading the reader through the argument. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively restates your stance and summarizes the main points. It could be improved by reinforcing the implications of the development or suggesting a broader context.
task response
Make sure that you address the question prompt directly throughout the essay. While you have done so effectively, maintain a clear focus on analyzing the positive and negative aspects in balanced measure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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