Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

While
violence
on screens and in virtual reality is increasing these days, some experts state that
this
phenomenon has a serious effect on the community. But others say it doesn't affect one's attitude. In my opinion, I totally believe that media
violence
does affect
people
's behaviours, especially
children
and teenagers. In
this
essay, I will refer to some studies to illustrate the negative impact of
violence
in video games.
Firstly
, I think if
people
see
violence
in the media every day, they will get used to it as a normal attitude in everyday life.
In other words
, when some
people
get rewarded for
violence
in virtual reality they might want to know how it feels in reality, so
this
could be a motive.
In addition
to that, an American study at California University in 2021, illustrated that 65% of
people
who are playing crime games
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
have bought real guns after a
while
to try how it feels to shoot with a gun in real life.
Furthermore
,
children
and teenagers are the most affected by media
violence
. It's scientifically
proventhat
Correct your spelling
proven that
children
don't act on their own, but
according to
what they see and hear, especially if there is no supervision by the parents.
For example
, a week ago my nephew who is 6 years old slapped his younger sister because he saw it in the WWE Restling show, as he said. Taking everything into consideration, I want to state that
violence
on screens has a
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
damaging effect on
people
's behaviours and thoughts. Rewarding for
violence
in video games is a big reason, and
children
are the most affected.
Submitted by wathiq.online22 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance logistical structure, consider using more transitional phrases and signalling words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for better clarity.
task achievement
Elaborate on your key points with more concrete examples and evidence. Expanding on your ideas will strengthen your task achievement. For instance, provide more insights into the California University study mentioned.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and provides a strong thesis statement about your belief regarding media violence.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the American study and your nephew's experience, effectively support your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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