The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?
The rising usage of mobile
phones
affected our lifestyle, interaction with people and working occupation. There are some problems whether in terms of social or medical issues associated with mobile phones
. Getting some social barriers and addiction to social media could be a proper form of these problems. this
essay will contend why I agree that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
Firstly
, The mobile phone has a profound impact on many occupations in life. Initially
, the Overuse of mobile phones
plays a vital role in dozens of issues;therefore
, we must take it into account meticulously. being unable to control the average time
of spending time
in social media resulting in mobile phones
has devastating outcomes . Moreover
, through increasing usage of phones
, a person would suffer from a variety of social problems ,such
as anxiety and loss of relationships. This
is because mobile phones
may be addictive and restrict our time
to spend with our friends or families.
Besides
these drawbacks, recent developments in the technology of the mobile phone contributed numerous advantages to elevate communication and the working sphere. thus
, it is essential to have access to current phone technology. For example
, expanding the capacity of phones
means we can mitigate the average time
to collect information if it used
properly.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
is used
Although
the benefits of the growth of the number of mobile phones
mobiles conduct avail effects, I do not believe that it overweight the deleterious impacts of engaging with phones
. Affecting an individual's mental health and social relationships negatively illustrates an explicit position about the dangers of mobile phones
.Submitted by Yasar Khan on
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task achievement
Your introduction does a good job of setting up both the topic and your viewpoint. However, to improve, ensure clarity and accuracy by refining your thesis statement. For example, 'this essay will contend why I agree that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits' could be better worded to clearly state your position.
task achievement
While you present relevant points, make sure to elaborate on them with more specific and clear examples or data. For instance, discussing exactly how mobile phone addiction leads to anxiety and loss of relationships could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for clearer logical structuring of your arguments. Transition words and phrases between paragraphs can help in building coherence, making your essay flow more naturally and making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Certain phrases could be refined for better clarity and grammar. For example, 'initially, the Overuse of mobile phones plays a vital role in dozens of issues;therefore, we must take it into account meticulously' could be clearer. Proofreading for grammatical consistency would enhance your essay.
task achievement
Your essay thoroughly addresses the task by discussing both the social and medical problems associated with mobile phones, as well as briefly mentioning some of the benefits.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a logical structure to your essay.
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