The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The rising usage of mobile

phones

Use synonyms

affected our lifestyle, interaction with people and working occupation. There are some problems whether in terms of social or medical issues associated with mobile

phones

Use synonyms

. Getting some social barriers and addiction to social media could be a proper form of these problems.

this

Linking Words

essay will contend why I agree that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.

Firstly

Linking Words

, The mobile phone has a profound impact on many occupations in life.

Initially

Linking Words

, the Overuse of mobile

phones

Use synonyms

plays a vital role in dozens of issues;

therefore

Linking Words

, we must take it into account meticulously. being unable to control the average

time

Use synonyms

of spending

time

Use synonyms

in social media resulting in mobile

phones

Use synonyms

has devastating outcomes .

Moreover

Linking Words

, through increasing usage of

phones

Use synonyms

, a person would suffer from a variety of social problems ,

such

Linking Words

as anxiety and loss of relationships.

This

Linking Words

is because mobile

phones

Use synonyms

may be addictive and restrict our

time

Use synonyms

to spend with our friends or families.

Besides

Linking Words

these drawbacks, recent developments in the technology of the mobile phone contributed numerous advantages to elevate communication and the working sphere.

thus

Linking Words

, it is essential to have access to current phone technology.

For example

Linking Words

, expanding the capacity of

phones

Use synonyms

means we can mitigate the average

time

Use synonyms

to collect information if it

used

Add a missing verb

is used

show examples

properly. In conclusion,

Although

Linking Words

the benefits of the growth of the number of mobile

phones

Use synonyms

mobiles conduct avail effects, I do not believe that it overweight the deleterious impacts of engaging with

phones

Use synonyms

. Affecting an individual's mental health and social relationships negatively illustrates an explicit position about the dangers of mobile

phones

Use synonyms

Yasar KhanMon Jul 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction does a good job of setting up both the topic and your viewpoint. However, to improve, ensure clarity and accuracy by refining your thesis statement. For example, 'this essay will contend why I agree that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits' could be better worded to clearly state your position.

task achievement

While you present relevant points, make sure to elaborate on them with more specific and clear examples or data. For instance, discussing exactly how mobile phone addiction leads to anxiety and loss of relationships could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Strive for clearer logical structuring of your arguments. Transition words and phrases between paragraphs can help in building coherence, making your essay flow more naturally and making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

coherence cohesion

Certain phrases could be refined for better clarity and grammar. For example, 'initially, the Overuse of mobile phones plays a vital role in dozens of issues;therefore, we must take it into account meticulously' could be clearer. Proofreading for grammatical consistency would enhance your essay.

task achievement

Your essay thoroughly addresses the task by discussing both the social and medical problems associated with mobile phones, as well as briefly mentioning some of the benefits.

coherence cohesion

You included an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a logical structure to your essay.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

over-reliance
cyberbullying
screen time
data privacy
identity theft
financial fraud
eye strain
sleep disorders
chronic issues
productivity
notifications
validation
self-esteem

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The concept of philanthropy and charitable giving has gained significant attention in recent years. One prominent viewpoint suggests that everyone should contribute a fixed portion of their income to support charitable causes, although I would side with those holding the opposite opinion.
7.5
band
Students are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?
It is common knowledge that students are becoming increasingly reliant on technology. While this trend offers benefits, it also brings significant problems. This essay will discuss the main issues associated with excessive reliance on computers and propose possible solutions.
7
band
Some companies make donations to local charities and community groups. Other companies do not and leave it up to their staff to decide whether to make personal donations. Should companies donate part of their profits to charities? State your opinion and provide reasons for your view.
No one can deny that donating to local charities and community groups includes company and individual obligations in society. One effective way for businesses to support a charity is to raise funds through the sales of products. Then the company will spread the message to each individual for further donors with more significant amounts of funding.
6.5
band
In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Market share is one of the most significant key indicators in a company, as it makes revenue. Subsequently, sales department does various marketing approaches to attract potential customers or to introduce their products to society. Nevertheless, it has been a hot contention, whether existing advertising techniques remain effective in drawing buyers or the other way around. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and describe my personal opinion on the matter.
6
band
The current trend in education is to move away from traditional exams and instead have continuous assignments over the school year. What do you think of this trend?
The latest trend in the educational system is to always give students homework rather than the usual examination. Although assignment removes the pressure on students to study for the examination, school tests should not be removed because they improve the memory of students and help the teachers assess their level of learning.

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some companies make donations to local charities and community groups. Other companies do not and leave it up to their staff to decide whether to make personal donations. Should companies donate part of their profits to charities? State your opinion and provide reasons for your view.

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The current trend in education is to move away from traditional exams and instead have continuous assignments over the school year. What do you think of this trend?