IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is discussed by a few individuals that, it is advantageous to be a part of
games
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 played in groups
such
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 as football. Another group of people oppose and consider that activities like swimming and tennis are far more fruitful. Tournaments that are played together teach them how to
work
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 as a
team
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 and the
games
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 that are played separately help them gain confidence and learn how to tackle problems without the help of others. I will discuss both sides in
this
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 essay below.
To begin
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 with, a group of people are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 that
games
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 that are played with the
team
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 are more advantageous.
Therefore
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, one can learn how to
work
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 in a
team
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, It helps them to behave in a friendly way and
also
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 tells them unity is strength.
Furthermore
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,
games
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 like football help to develop interpersonal skills that are useful for them in their daily routine life
as well as
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 when they are at their workplace. In most European nations, they prefer to
work
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 as a
team
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 because they can learn from each other and share their thoughts to progress better, that's why the British community is successful and well known by everyone because they
work
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 as a unit and unity is strength.
On the other hand
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,
games
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 like swimming and tennis are important because one can learn how to cope with problems without the help of others. It helps them to enhance their confidence level.
In addition
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, it
also
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 helps them to learn from failure and not be disheartened by their loss. They come to know the value of their skills and trust in themselves more confidently which helps them to manage stress under difficult situations. Most parents, emphasize their children to learn to swim because it is a life-saving skill and they
also
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 learn how to play dominantly and they can easily tackle each problem with ease. In conclusion, the point of view of both the groups is valid and they can learn a lot from sports and it is beneficial for their mental and physical health
also
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.
Consequently
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, it depends on the individual own choice whatever sports they select they can learn from it and build their self-esteem.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and aim to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Avoid excessive repetition of phrases and strive to maintain a logical progression in your argumentation throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on the examples provided by offering more in-depth analysis and detail. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion that reflects the complexity of the issue. Avoid generalized statements and aim to present specific ideas supported by examples or evidence where appropriate.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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