Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, think that school is the place to learn it. Discuss both views?
In recent times,
children
-related education and teaching have sparked heated debates about whether it is parents
’ responsibility to teach their kids how to be useful people in society
or whether schools are obligated to accomplish this
of paramount importance mission. Thus
the various opinions are split down in the middle, based on the aforementioned issue. In this
essay, both camps of this
argument
will be analyzed before a legitimate conclusion is reached
To begin
with, although
many things have been regarded to be taught by parents
, it is no longer a secret that at present children
spend much more of their spare time at school rather than with their parents
. For example
, A study by the New York Child Learning Association found that children
learn and follow the explained things considerably better when being taught at school, in particular
, with their peers and classmates than at home by parents
. Thus
this
side of the argument
regarding the schooler’s obligation to elucidate the children
being useful members of society
has garnered support.
However
from the other point of view, despite the shared belief that teaching children
how to be helpful people to society
is on the schools’ shoulders, parents
have the leverage over their children
to be able to encourage them to do something, specifically their own the authority making their kids listen to them. For instance
, after providing careful research by the Cambridge Development Psychology Unit, it is once again proved that parents
are the real people who had better take the liability of teaching their children
how to become GOOD members of society
. Hence
this
camp of the argument
has accumulated much support.
By way of conclusion, both sides of this
argument
have strong support. Nonetheless
, after a detailed analysis of both views, it is obvious why the opinion supporting the notion of parents
taking the whole responsibility of teaching their children
how to become decent members of society
has to be supported.
Admittedly, to what has been drawn, the educational system is expected to be partly revolutionized by creating a new subject for Secondary Schools concerned about teaching students how to become decent parents
and how to properly bring up their own kids.Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
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coherence cohesion
An adequate attempt at structuring the argument was apparent, but there were lapses in logical flow and coherence. Transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the development of arguments should be more systematic, avoiding a list-like presentation of points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction did not explicitly state the two contrasting views or outline the direction of the essay. Introductions should clearly present the topic and the writer's intention. Similarly, the conclusion was partial and lacked a balanced consideration of the views presented earlier.
task achievement
The task was acknowledged with both views mentioned, but the response did not thoroughly address the full prompt. Greater emphasis on detailed examination and direct comparison of the views would improve task achievement.
task achievement
Ideas were somewhat clear but not fully comprehensive. To score higher, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea followed by extensive development and support to elaborate on the points made.
task achievement
Examples given were somewhat relevant but lacked specificity and development to effectively support the arguments. Specific, detailed examples enhance the persuasiveness and clarity of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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