The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, the topic
about
Change preposition
of
retirees
is one of the most discussed topics in every country. Many people
argue saying
that it is Verb problem
apply
government’s
obligation to take Correct article usage
the government’s
care
of elderly people
by providing financial aid, while
others indicate that elderly people
should think about the future and save money.
To begin
with, in my point of view, authority has to help people
who need care
and money. Saying thoroughly, dozens of retirees
do not have any relatives,friends,Correct word choice
or offsprings
offsprings
,to name just a few and nobody Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
take
Change the verb form
takes
care
of them.Thus
,the statemen’s support might play a vital role for elderly
to have Correct article usage
the elderly
descent
and quiet Correct your spelling
decent
remained
life. Verb problem
apply
For instance
, my single neighbor
who is 79 years old has recently received monitory aid,which helped him to get rid of several debts.Change the spelling
neighbour
Furthermore
,government help might let retirees
to
buy expensive medicine.To be more clear,as in many countries elderly Change the verb form
apply
cityzen's
pension is very low,without Correct your spelling
citizen's
citizens
somebody
aid they will hardly spend money on Change noun form
somebody's
thier
drugs.Correct your spelling
their
For example
,my grandmother recieve
40000AMD and it is only enough for medicine.Correct your spelling
receives
Hence
,buying only doctor's prescription stuff, they will have lack
of food,Correct article usage
a lack
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
ans
so on.
On the flip side, middle-aged Correct your spelling
and
people
who have already had savings,
will feel more confident and will not wait for someone's financial support in future.Remove the comma
apply
In other words
,they will be insured and will not worry about their further
life.
Taking everything into account,Correct word choice
future
due to
having little
pension,Add an article
a little
Correct article usage
the governmen't
governmen't
financial and Correct your spelling
government
care
support can have a great influence of
elderly Change preposition
on
people
.They will be more peaceful and as well as
more assured.However
for Add a comma
However,
retirees
it might be better Add a comma
retirees,
for
rely on themselves and start to do financial conservation starting with their current day.Change preposition
to
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task achievement
While the essay presents an answer to the task, the author should ensure that the response is fully developed with clear and comprehensive viewpoints for both sides of the argument before arriving at a conclusion that is consistent with the discussion. The conclusion could be more effectively presented if it synthesized the arguments made throughout the essay, rather than introducing a new idea that was not fully explored.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some organizational structure but lacks clear progression in some parts. The writer should focus on improving paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas. It would be beneficial to include topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion that summarizes the point made. Additionally, it is important to ensure a logical sequence that guides the reader from introduction to conclusion with clear argumentative progression.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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