The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, the topic
about
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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retirees
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is one of the most discussed topics in every country. Many
people
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argue
saying
Verb problem
apply

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that it is
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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obligation to take
care
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of elderly
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by providing financial aid,
while
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others indicate that elderly
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should think about the future and save money.
To begin
Linking Words

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with, in my point of view, authority has to help
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who need
care
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and money. Saying thoroughly, dozens of
retirees
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do not have any relatives,friends,
Correct word choice
or offsprings

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring

It seems that offsprings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,to name just a few and nobody
take
Change the verb form
takes

The verb take does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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care
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of them.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,the statemen’s support might play a vital role for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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to have
descent
Correct your spelling
decent

The word descent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and quiet
remained
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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life.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my single
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour

The spelling of neighbor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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who is 79 years old has recently received monitory aid,which helped him to get rid of several debts.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,government help might let
retirees
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to buy should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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buy expensive medicine.To be more clear,as in many countries elderly
cityzen's
Correct your spelling
citizen's
citizens

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pension is very low,without
somebody
Change noun form
somebody's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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aid they will hardly spend money on
thier
Correct your spelling
their

If you don’t want thier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

drugs.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,my grandmother
recieve
Correct your spelling
receives

If you don’t want recieve to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

40000AMD and it is only enough for medicine.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,buying only doctor's prescription stuff, they will have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of food,
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes

The word cloths doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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ans
Correct your spelling
and

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so on. On the flip side, middle-aged
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who have already had savings
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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will feel more confident and will not wait for someone's financial support in future.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,they will be insured and will not worry about their
Linking Words
Linking Words
further
Correct word choice
future

There may be an adjective issue here.

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life. Taking everything into account,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

having
little
Add an article
a little

The noun phrase little pension seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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pension,
Correct article usage
the governmen't
show examples
Correct article usage
the governmen't

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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governmen't
Correct your spelling
government
financial and
care
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

support can have a great influence
of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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elderly
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.They will be more peaceful and
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

more assured.
Linking Words
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
for
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
retirees
Add a comma
retirees,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However for retirees. Consider adding a comma.

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it might be better
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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rely on themselves and start to do financial conservation starting with their current day.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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task achievement
While the essay presents an answer to the task, the author should ensure that the response is fully developed with clear and comprehensive viewpoints for both sides of the argument before arriving at a conclusion that is consistent with the discussion. The conclusion could be more effectively presented if it synthesized the arguments made throughout the essay, rather than introducing a new idea that was not fully explored.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some organizational structure but lacks clear progression in some parts. The writer should focus on improving paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas. It would be beneficial to include topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion that summarizes the point made. Additionally, it is important to ensure a logical sequence that guides the reader from introduction to conclusion with clear argumentative progression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
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