Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

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Over the years,
healthcare
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and
education
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have been the major benefits provided by the
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government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments

It seems that government may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of many countries in the world. Some
people
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argue
healthcare
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and
education
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are the prime responsibilities that
state
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administration should take care of,
whilewhile
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while

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from others' perspectives, it is adding more
burden
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financially to the
governments
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. In my opinion, the
Government
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should hold
this
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responsibility
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and in
this
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essay, I will investigate both sides of the argument with justification to support my opinion. In any country, the biggest investor of the community is the
State
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government
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and
governments
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are established to take care of the health and well-being of their citizens.
Governments
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have a mandate to implement activities focussing on
people
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's welfare that are not limited to
healthcare
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and
education
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. The
government
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's initiatives are directed towards ensuring the community's physical well-being and enhancing the literacy rate.
For example
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, in a developed nation like Japan , the
government
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's policies and actions to educate have contributed to the present
state
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of increased longevity and reduced illiteracy rate of their
people
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.
Above all
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, if the national
governments
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will not take
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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responsibility
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for
people
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's welfare,
then
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who will ?
Although
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some
people
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argue that it adds to the financial
burden
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on
state
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administration, there are some feasible solutions to
this
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problem. Transferring the
responsibility
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of
healthcare
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through private insurance and mandating
this
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to all employers would reduce the
burden
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and at the same time would allow
people
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to avail the benefit. Providing companies with tax benefits and concessions thereby encouraging private funding from businesses and companies to establish quality schools and educational institutions would definitely by large solve the problem.
In addition
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to
this
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, the transfer of
this
Linking Words

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responsibility
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would definitely add to the financial
burden
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of the families in the community. Over the years,
healthcare
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and
education
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have been the major welfare benefits provided by
governments
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of many countries in the world. Most
people
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support
this
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approach taken by the
government
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as they believe providing quality medical care and literacy are the prime responsibilities of any
government
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.
Although
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there are some disadvantages of
government
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holding the
responsibility
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towards the provision of
education
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and
healthcare
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to the
people
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, based on the suggested workable solutions, there are distinct advantages that outweigh them.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to carefully proofread your work to avoid repetition or minor errors such as 'whilewhile' which could detract slightly from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve your score, aim to incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and complex structures to enhance the flow and complexity of your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider deepening your development of examples. References to specific policies, studies, or statistics can offer stronger support for your points and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
It may benefit to present a more nuanced discussion acknowledging potential counterarguments more fully. While you touch on opposing views, delving deeper into these perspectives can provide a more balanced and comprehensive essay.
Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective, summarizing your main points well and restating your opinion succinctly.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a well-reasoned argument supported by examples and clear reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with a clear progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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