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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people think it id important to construct new buildings rather than wasting money on maintaing old ones.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #id #buildings #money #ones
The issue of refurbishing old
buildings
 is widely debated, with some people claiming that they should
replace
Wrong verb form
be replaced
show examples
 with new ones.
However
, I personally do not entirely accept
this
, and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, constructing new
buildings
instead
 of repairing and maintaining old ones causes
wasting
Wrong verb form
the waste of
show examples
 numerous products and materials
such
 as chalk, sand, stone and wood which leads to consumerism and
this
 happening has a lot of disadvantages for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
For example
,
woods
Fix the agreement mistake
wood
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 one of the vital materials for all types of
buildings
. They can be used for doors, windows and parquet. If they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
repair
Wrong verb form
repaired
show examples
 and
reuse
Wrong verb form
reused
show examples
 again,
this
 overuse
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 destroy forests and jungles which has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 effect on the ecosystem.
Secondly
, it is a fact that any kind of construction is exorbitant and needs to expend
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of money. Destroying the whole building and rebuilding it again needs more money than
refurbish
Wrong verb form
refurbishing
show examples
 it.
Thus
 it has no economic benefit.
Finally
, building is one of the time-consuming activities and you have to put a lot of energy and effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it. Admittedly, it is true that newly-built
buildings
 generally have better and more modern facilities or decoration, but it should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 that with correct
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
show examples
 and little repair old
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 can have
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 changes. In conclusion, I feel that
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of run-down
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 is essential, both for economic reasons and to support and protect the environment. It seems that new
buildings
 are highly unlikely to replace the old ones.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay structure could be improved for better clarity and logical flow. Consider creating clearer connections between ideas and use transitional phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, reflecting the main points of the essay. In this case, both were present, but could be strengthened.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with detailed examples or evidence. In this essay, although there are some examples given, more specific evidence could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, ensure that the question is directly and fully answered. In this case, the response does address the prompt, but could benefit from a more detailed examination of the opposing view for balance.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Some of the points raised are good, but they need to be explored further for full comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Including more relevant and specific examples or case studies would significantly benefit the essay by providing concrete evidence to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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