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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the percentsge of five sorts of books sold in bookstore in 1972, 1992 and 2012.

The pie charts show the percentsge of five sorts of books sold in bookstore in 1972, 1992 and 2012.
The provided pie charts indicate the volume of five sorts of
books
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
fiction
Use synonyms
, biography, travel and others sold in
bookstore
Fix the agreement mistake
bookstores
show examples
 in 1972, 1992 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
apparently
Change the word
apparent
show examples
visible
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 gain huge
popularity
Use synonyms
 over the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 of biography mitigated significantly. In detail, both
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and for kids
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sold 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1972, their
popularity
Use synonyms
 went up after two decades and stood at 25% and 22% respectively,
while
Linking Words
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 became the most popular
book
Use synonyms
 in 2012
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
45
Correct article usage
a 45
show examples
% sale rate,
fiction
Use synonyms
book
Use synonyms
 for kids reached to 25% as the second popular
book
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 rate for three kinds of other
books
Use synonyms
 declined during 40 years.
Whereas
Linking Words
sale figure
Fix the agreement mistake
sales figures
show examples
 for other
books
Use synonyms
 halved from 1972 to 2012 from 25% to 12%, travel
books
Use synonyms
 after a slight surge in 1992 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18% from 15% in 1972 eventually
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to 10% in 2012.
Additionally
Linking Words
, biography
books
Use synonyms
 have been the second favorite
book
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
booklover
Fix the agreement mistake
booklovers
show examples
 and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 equal with
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
a
Change preposition
by a
show examples
quarter
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
popularity
Use synonyms
 in 1992,
Linking Words
finally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in
2012
Add a comma
2012,
show examples
 it became the
least sold
Add a hyphen
least-sold
show examples
book
Use synonyms
 in
bookstore
Fix the agreement mistake
bookstores
show examples
 by 8%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, adult, fiction, popularity, book with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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