IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, young people tend to rush into independence. Many of them leave home to study or work while still in their teens. Do you think it is positive or negative?

#people #rush #independence #home #study #work #teens
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Modern
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The modern
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 era demands more passion,
hardwork
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hard work
 and consistency to excel in
the
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their
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 field of interest;
this
Linking Words
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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 life drives adolescents to
moving
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move
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 out of
houses
Correct pronoun usage
their houses
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 and comfort zones to study or work in other places like cities or overseas,
therefore
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, they choose
independance
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independence
 to pursue their dreams. Both sides have some plus or negative points which will be discussed in the following paragraphs
along with
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 my opinion. To commence with, young
folks
Use synonyms
 are in
race
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a race
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, nowadays, to accomplish goals regarding their work and studies; today's time is
quiet
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quite
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 competitive and demands extra
as well as
Linking Words
 updated skills,
consistant
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consistent
 efforts and
hardwork
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hard work
 from teenagers which force them to push themselves out of
comgmfort
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comfort
 zones to explore new areas of education and work.
For example
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, most Indian students prefer to study in distinctive countries like America, Australia and Canada to seek
for
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apply
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better
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a better
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 job and living
opporunities
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opportunities
 rather than staying in their
mother land
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motherland
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, because these countries offer them
better
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a better
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standard
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standards
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 of jobs and salaries in comparison to India.
In addition
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to
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
globlization
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globalisation
 made
is
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it
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 much easier for
folks
Use synonyms
 to travel around the world and settle down in other countries which was hard in the past, it
also
Linking Words
galvnize
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allows
 juveniles to leave
Correct pronoun usage
their parent
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parent
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parents
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and explore the world. On the flip side, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 drawbacks which are associated with the aforementioned notion. The first
amd
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and
 foremost is home sickness; young
folks
Use synonyms
 might
feel
Verb problem
find it
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 hard to live without their families
ad
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and
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 they need emotional and financial support from their families, it would be
quiet
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quite
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 challenging for them to afford their
turion
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tuition
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 fees
along with
Linking Words
accomation
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accommodation
 without guardians' support.
Secondly
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, adolescents might involve in some bad activities like taking drugs,
vendalism
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vandalism
, and looting under the influence of some bad people without proper guidance;
this
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 could lead
some
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to some
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 serious consequences.
To sum up
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, it becomes important for young
folks
Use synonyms
 to travel and settle around the world and to
get
Verb problem
become
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 independent for their bright future,
however
Linking Words
, they might need emotional and financial support from their families at some point; they should
be prepare
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be prepared
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 for the outer pressure too.
Submitted by parneetkhangura62 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is well-structured. This means having a clear introduction, body paragraphs with individual main points, and a conclusive summary at the end. This helps with logical flow and reader understanding.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Errors in grammar can make it difficult for the reader to understand the points being made, thus jeopardizing coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with relevant details and examples. While the essay does touch on some examples, further development and illustration can enhance the argument's comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Strive to provide a complete response to the prompt by covering all aspects of the question. The essay should give a balanced discussion of the positives and negatives and then clearly state your own viewpoint.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are clear and comprehensive. Complex ideas should be explained thoroughly so that they are easily understood by the reader, even if they're not familiar with the topic.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to back your points. This not only demonstrates task achievement but also supports your ideas with concrete evidence, enhancing the overall argument.
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