In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.
Living longer than the expected average life span is increasing gradually than earlier. Few argue that it is beneficial to the younger generation in many ways,
while
others oppose it stating this
might be a burden or problematic to the government
. This
essay will discuss the pros and cons of this
aging population and I believe this
is more advantageous compared to the cons.
Firstly
, the main advantage is that their life experience, advice, and suggestions cannot be taught to the younger generation through some courses or learned by ourselves. Youths nowadays hardly remember and incorporate human values. They are attracted more toward materialistic items and ignore humanity. In addition
to this
, working parents hardly spend time with their kids, leaving them behind with caretakers to look after them causing a lack of parenting and love. These where old people
might help them in looking after their grandchildren and teaching them about valuable things like respecting elders, aiding each other, and building moral values. Would help in growing the younger generation towards the betterment of the future and society.
On the other hand
, people
who oppose the increasing aging
population might cause problems for the Change the spelling
ageing
government
giving reasons like an increase in tax payments, pension schemes, and investing
in free medical check-ups, and treatments. Replace the word
investment
For instance
, as the population grows government
needs to aid in looking after their health by providing good medical infrastructure, which can be done by increasing their pension amount so that they can afford it due to
the fact that tax payment by the
working professionals needs to be increased causing Correct article usage
apply
this
individual’s net salary to be reduced. Secondly
, old people
need attention, and company when their children are out for work. Otherwise
, this
might lead to loneliness causing depression.
In my opinion, the above issues can be addressed effectively by the government
with appropriate strategies and policies. But the pros gained by this
Correct determiner usage
these
people
's presence cannot be tallied or handled with any policies or plans.
To conclude
, people
living longer than the expected life span is a positive development, and its advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages by taking appropriate steps by the government
.Submitted by nlchiranth11 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words, which will make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully developed and include specific examples to back up your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement.
task achievement
Consider focusing on fewer points but developing them in greater depth to maintain clarity and effectiveness in your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Good job on providing a clear introduction and conclusion. This enhances the structure of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.
task achievement
Your points about the benefits of an aging population are well-articulated and insightful.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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