IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is important for children to take lessons outside the classroom, for example by visiting places such as local companies or public buildings. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that children could have visited additional lectures provided by local companies or public buildings apart from their main studies, which could significantly contribute to their
overall
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 development. I agree with the statement because students will be able to receive crucial insights and knowledge about their potential workplace and become more versatile.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 may positively impact on studying process at school by making children motivated to implement
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this insights
Change the determiner
this insight
these insights
show examples
 in the future inside the corporations that they are already familiar with. First and foremost, local businesses may provide students with valuable information about their internal job and mission. Banks or audit companies are able to present to youngsters the importance of math, discuss economics together, or introduce minors to the banking system. It enhances children's versatility and positively affects their
overall
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 development.
Thus
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, it is extremely important for youngsters to visit
such
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 places and learn new aspects beyond the school walls.
Secondly
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, those kinds of trips introduce something new and
consequently
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, they are perceived as captivating in the eyes of kids. Young learners who
will
Verb problem
apply
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visit corporations or various buildings may obtain a decent motivation to study because, from
this
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 point, they will see the meaning of learning. They will be able to understand that the knowledge they gain at school can be implemented in different interesting places, which eventually will benefit their grades and desire to learn.
Thus
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, it is tremendously significant to encourage young generations to obtain information outside the classroom. In conclusion, I agree that
this
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 is crucial for learners to obtain instructions or knowledge from different sources,
such
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 as businesses and various buildings because it positively influences a child's general enhancement and motivates him or her to study better in class.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider making your arguments flow more seamlessly from one idea to the next. Use clear transitions to guide the reader through your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to enhance coherence and to introduce the main idea discussed in that paragraph.
task achievement
To further develop task achievement, elaborate more on specific examples and how they relate directly to the thesis. Providing more detailed examples will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout, agreeing with the necessity of out-of-class learning for children.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, making the essay convincing and clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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