ㄑSome people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion You should write at least 250 words.

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If governments should
banned
Wrong verb form
ban
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high-risk
sports
become
Wrong verb form
from becoming
show examples
a hot issue around the world, whilst
such
activities could endanger the safety of
participents
Correct your spelling
participants
, and
increas
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increase
the cost
of
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to
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society
sources
, I personally agree that
people
should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to decide
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
they want to be part of
such
events. On the one hand, extreme
sports
,
such
as sky-diving, car racing,
as well as
scuba diving, could cause
irreversable
Correct your spelling
irreversible
damage
on
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to
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participants, including
paralyze
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paralysing
show examples
and permanent physical disabilities,
therefore
, opponents believe that it is the obligation of governments to restrict
such
events. On top of that, the injuries and fatality cases caused by extreme
sports
will cost a lot of healthcare
sources
,
along with
governmental
mannpower
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manpower
, which could be used better
on
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in
show examples
other emergency situations. 
For instance
, many
people
died or had serious
injures
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injuries
show examples
from free diving, which cost lots of manpower to rescue
victoms
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victims
in the ocean
alolng
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along
with all the medical
sources
that
used
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are used
show examples
to save them, which is considered
as
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apply
show examples
a waste of society
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
.
On the other hand
, in my perspective, it is the right of adults to conduct risky behaviour by knowing the potential hazards
due to
various advantages. First of all, doing dangerous
sports
could help
people
release stress that accumulated from their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, it is good for their mental health and
deter
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deters
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them from being
depression
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depressed
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and pessimistic.
Secondly
,
such
events are attractive to many
audience
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audiences
show examples
in the world, it could benefit the host nations, in the aspects of
economic
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economics
show examples
and visibility in the world. Take F1 as an example, it is an internationally well-known car
racing
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race
show examples
, attracting
thousand
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thousands
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and millions
people
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of people
show examples
participate
Fix the infinitive
to participate
show examples
,
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
a great amount of commercial benefit to Singapore during the seasons,
moreover
, making more overseas
people
experience local culture. To summarise, it is inevitable that
danderous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
sports
have many potential
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
show examples
that could damage one's health,
however
, I agree that authorities should not ban
such
sports
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
legal regulation for
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
effects it derives.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task achievement
The essay presents an opinion but lacks appropriate development of ideas and examples. There are multiple grammar and spelling errors which make the arguements unclear. Build your paragraphs around main ideas with examples that are accurately explained.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The introduction and the conclusion are present but not fully effective. Consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure better flow between sentences and paragraphs. Check and correct the errors in spelling and word choice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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