ㄑSome people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion You should write at least 250 words.

#ㄑsome #people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity

If governments should

banned

Wrong verb form

ban

show examples

high-risk

sports

become

Wrong verb form

from becoming

show examples

a hot issue around the world, whilst

such

activities could endanger the safety of

participents

Correct your spelling

participants

, and

increas

Correct your spelling

increase

the cost

Change preposition

show examples

society

sources

, I personally agree that

people

should have

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

show examples

to decide

wether

Correct your spelling

whether

show examples

they want to be part of

such

events. On the one hand, extreme

sports

such

as sky-diving, car racing,

as well as

scuba diving, could cause

irreversable

Correct your spelling

irreversible

damage

Change preposition

show examples

participants, including

paralyze

Wrong verb form

paralysing

show examples

and permanent physical disabilities,

therefore

, opponents believe that it is the obligation of governments to restrict

such

events. On top of that, the injuries and fatality cases caused by extreme

sports

will cost a lot of healthcare

sources

along with

governmental

mannpower

Correct your spelling

manpower

, which could be used better

Change preposition

show examples

other emergency situations.

For instance

, many

people

died or had serious

injures

Replace the word

injuries

show examples

from free diving, which cost lots of manpower to rescue

victoms

Correct your spelling

victims

in the ocean

alolng

Correct your spelling

along

with all the medical

sources

that

used

Add a missing verb

are used

show examples

to save them, which is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a waste of society

sources

Correct your spelling

resources

show examples

On the other hand

, in my perspective, it is the right of adults to conduct risky behaviour by knowing the potential hazards

due to

various advantages. First of all, doing dangerous

sports

could help

people

release stress that accumulated from their daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, it is good for their mental health and

deter

Correct subject-verb agreement

deters

show examples

them from being

depression

Replace the word

depressed

show examples

and pessimistic.

Secondly

such

events are attractive to many

audience

Change to a plural noun

audiences

show examples

in the world, it could benefit the host nations, in the aspects of

economic

Replace the word

economics

show examples

and visibility in the world. Take F1 as an example, it is an internationally well-known car

racing

Replace the word

race

show examples

, attracting

thousand

Fix the agreement mistake

thousands

show examples

and millions

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

participate

Fix the infinitive

to participate

show examples

bring

Wrong verb form

bringing

show examples

a great amount of commercial benefit to Singapore during the seasons,

moreover

, making more overseas

people

experience local culture. To summarise, it is inevitable that

danderous

Correct your spelling

dangerous

sports

have many potential

risk

Change to a plural noun

risks

show examples

that could damage one's health,

however

, I agree that authorities should not ban

such

sports

with

Change preposition

without

show examples

legal regulation for

positive

Correct article usage

the positive

show examples

effects it derives.

Submitted by unapoya0916 on Sun Dec 24 2023

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task achievement

The essay presents an opinion but lacks appropriate development of ideas and examples. There are multiple grammar and spelling errors which make the arguements unclear. Build your paragraphs around main ideas with examples that are accurately explained.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is weak. The introduction and the conclusion are present but not fully effective. Consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure better flow between sentences and paragraphs. Check and correct the errors in spelling and word choice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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ㄑSome people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion You should write at least 250 words.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face-to-face. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g. languages) and boys choose science subjects (e.g. Physics). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed?

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?