IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this? How could more people be encouraged to come into the teaching profession?

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It is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
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 that most graduates do not want to be
teachers
Use synonyms
 in secondary schools. The main
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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this
Linking Words
 causes are low
salary
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salaries
show examples
 and few
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oppurnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to advance in
teaching
Correct article usage
a teaching
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career
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. The most viable
solution
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solutions
show examples
 are higher
salaries
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 and creating
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oppurnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to advance in teaching
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 with the use of technology. Admittedly, teaching in secondary school is not
any
Correct determiner usage
a
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 rewarding
career
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 choice because it has
low
Add an article
a low
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 salary. Most young graduates prefer to go for management or administrative
jobs
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 which
pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
show examples
 well. Most secondary teaching
jobs
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 are
also
Linking Words
 considered stagnant
jobs
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 as there is not much scope to advance
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career
Correct article usage
the career
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
teachers
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 in Asian or African
countries
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 are not paid well for teaching secondary classes. Most graduates have
opinion
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the opinion
an opinion
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 that teaching is
stagnant
Correct article usage
a stagnant
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career
Use synonyms
 choice as they have
plethora
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a plethora
show examples
 of
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oppurnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in their
career
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 to choose from. They prefer
jobs
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 with
advancing
Wrong verb form
advance
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 in
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 so that they can financially secure themselves. One way to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem is
offering
Change preposition
by offering
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 high
salaries
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 and
career
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 advancement
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oppurnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for secondary
teachers
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. They should be allowed to teach online to pupils. So that they can reach out to
wider
Add an article
a wider
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 number of learners. Their emoluments should be linked to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of students they teach.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they should be offered higher
salaries
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. To epitome, Secondary
teachers
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 in North
America
Replace the word
American
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countries
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 and Australia are paid well. On
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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pattern
Add a comma
pattern,
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 higher
salaries
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 should paid to
teachers
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 across the globe In conclusion,
Countries
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 have to make sure that teaching in secondary schools
should be
Wrong verb form
is
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rewarding
Add an article
the rewarding
a rewarding
show examples
career
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 choice for people.
Although
Linking Words
 it is challenging to motivate
to
Correct quantifier usage
others to
show examples
 teach secondary classes,
by
Change preposition
apply
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 creating openings for teaching can prove game changer for
countries
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that clearly outlines the problems and solutions regarding the decline of interest in the teaching profession. It jumps right into the discussion without properly setting the stage for the reader. Ensure that your essay starts with a clear introduction that presents the topic and indicates the direction your essay will take.
supported main points
Main points are touched upon but not developed with clear, specific examples and detailed explanation. For instance, when discussing low salary and career advancement opportunities, provide actual data or a case study to illustrate your point. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by detailed evidence or examples.
logical structure
The essay structure is somewhat disorganized and abrupt. Make use of a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the other. Utilize cohesive devices, such as reference words and transition signals effectively, to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will improve the reader's ability to follow your argument.
complete response
You should ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. There is some mention of both the reasons for and solutions to the problem, but a deeper analysis and a wider range of ideas would demonstrate a more complete response to the question. Include more detailed discussion on both the causes and solutions.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay needs to expand on the ideas presented to provide a clear and comprehensive understanding of the issues and proposed solutions. Aim to present a well-developed argument, with clear and logical reasoning that fulfills the reader's expectations for each point made.
relevant specific examples
The use of examples to support ideas is limited. To strengthen your essay, include relevant and specific examples that illustrate the points being made. These can be drawn from real-life contexts, studies, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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