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Band 5.5

In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. To what extent do you think this effort is a worthwhile one? Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university?

#countries #push #people #university #effort #benefit
There are a multitude of nations that promote the youth obtaining a university education. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why
this
 notion can be of benefit to some but
also
 a hindrance to others and form a conclusion. Many countries globally encourage the young to obtain a tertiary degree as it is a benefit to that
societies
Change noun form
society's
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 economy. In recent years, the standard fees to attend
such
 an institution have risen dramatically.
For instance
, international students now pay $20,000 annually to complete a degree. These monetary funds circle back to the government and officials who reign the country.
Furthermore
, the financial earnings accumulated from these facilities are invested in infrastructure that will put that nation at an advantage.
For example
, investing in tourist attractions like Alton Towers
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, will cause an influx of people to flock to that land and spend money that will increase economic stability. Tertiary education is
also
 important for some specific occupations,
such
 as medicine. A person cannot become a doctor if they do not possess a medical degree.
Similarly
, a teacher must first pursue some form of higher study before they can
particpate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in that field of work.
However
, there are other widespread opportunities that can be just as beneficial,
such
 as apprenticeships.
This
 avenue teaches all the relevant life skills that are needed
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an adult. To give some examples, starting a career from an earlier age results in determination, perseverance and resilience being instilled into their minds.
Such
 virtues are needed throughout life regardless of the career path they eventually may choose.
Additionally
, opting away from
further
 learning saves a significant amount of money, which can be used at a later stage. In conclusion,
although
university
Add an article
the university
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 is advantageous for the land’s economy, exploring other ventures can increase competencies in other areas like
,
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apply
show examples
 grit and
self belief
Add a hyphen
self-belief
show examples
.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay consistently maintains focus on the core topic, with clear and relevant points that pertain closely to the question at hand.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by making sure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate use of connectives and cohesive devices.
task achievement
Support main points with a more diverse range of examples and illustrations, clearly linked to the main argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are coherent and summarise the main points well. Continue to maintain this practice in future essays.
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