IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on alien planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend money addressing the problems of the public. To what extent do you agree?

#government #money #life #planets #people
Some people argue that the government is allocating a huge amount of money to discover
life
 outside the earth,
while
 there are still many tasks to be solved. I agree with
this
 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
education
 and
health
 problems need to be addressed at the first level to ensure society
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a good quality of
life
.
First,
health
 is
fundamental
Add an article
a fundamental
the fundamental
show examples
 need to be fulfilled. A good quality of
health
 will support people to perform well in their daily
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
as well as
 they can provide
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 for each other. If,
for example
,
health
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 certain regions are abandoned, people will not
thinking
Change the verb form
think
be thinking
show examples
 about anything else, since they just struggling to achieve a decent
life
.
As a result
, it will affect badly to the next generation as they do not achieve a good standard
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
 for living.
Moreover
,
education
 is another issue to be
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 almost in every developing
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. In fact, the
education
 quality
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not evenly equal, which means it
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 concentrated
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several cities,
thus
will make
Verb problem
creating
show examples
 a huge
education
 gap. Take Indonesia as an example.
Education
 is well-developed only in big cities, like Jakarta and Yogyakarta.
As a result
, younger generations in rural areas do not have the same growth opportunities compared to those who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the central cities.
To sum up
, many issues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still have daunting tasks to be solved by the government rather than focused on the unnecessary sector
such
 as finding another
life
 on alien planets.
Health
 and
education
, which are the basic needs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society, have to be put at the top tier priority.
Submitted by aidafathiaa on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your essay included an introduction and conclusion, focus on creating a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree with the statement. Also, each body paragraph should elaborate on one main idea, followed by supporting arguments or examples.
logical structure
Your essay showcases an adequate logical structure. However, there can be better transitions and linkage between your points. Aim to use a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonymy, and reference words to create coherence across sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
The main points of your argument are present and align with the essay prompt, but further development and support with specific examples and evidences or studies would strengthen your ideas. Mention real-life statistics, reports or studies that support your perspective.
complete response
Provide a fully developed response to all parts of the task. While your essay touches on the broad idea that government funds should address public issues rather than extraterrestrial research, delve deeper into the extent of your agreement and explore the opposing viewpoint to demonstrate a thorough understanding.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay displays clarity and presents ideas comprehensively. However, to improve clarity and depth, ensure that each paragraph develops a singular idea fully, rather than introducing multiple ideas which may not be fully explored.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant examples to support and illustrate your points. Although you mentioned the case of education in Indonesia, provide more specific examples, data, or case studies that directly relate to how government spending on earthly issues can take precedence over space exploration.

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