IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread use of cell phones (mobile phones)? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#cell #phones #years #people #business
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology has taken over our lives and its traces have been more obvious after the invention of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
.
Using
Wrong verb form
The use
show examples
 of
smartphones
 is increasing day by day.
People
 are drawn to
use
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for trade and particular reasons. I think the merits of using phones outweigh its demerits and
this
 essay will discuss both in detail. On the one hand, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smarphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 has some grave consequences. To start with, excessive
use
 of
smartphones
 is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
. thereby, making you fall back behind with your work.
For example
, some
people
 spend large chunks of their time in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
communication applications
due to
 peer pressure.
In addition
, we could be unsupervised
while
 we
use
 our phones, we are more likely to be exposed
contexts
Change preposition
to contexts
show examples
 which might not be
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 for us and it can take a huge toll on our mental health. As a
resault
Correct your spelling
result
, it is somehow
plausibe
Correct your spelling
plausible
 that it is considered a negative trend.
On the other hand
, the proper
use
 of
smartphones
 brings innumerable
pluspoints
Correct your spelling
points
.
Firstly
,
smartphones
are provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 tremendous opportunities for
people
 ,
such
 as banking applications and shopping websites so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 us do enormous work easier in
this
 technology-focused world.
Moreover
, phones contribute to
people
 staying in
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
show examples
 with their friends or colleagues, and
people
 can set up some meetings related to work so they can sign myriad contracts and make huge profits. As a
resault
Correct your spelling
result
, it can be certainly said it is not only beneficial but
also
 necessary. All things considered,
although
 there are some negative repercussions in the excessive
use
 of
smartphones
,
such
 as being
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and encountering
unappropiate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
appropriate
context
Fix the agreement mistake
contexts
show examples
, there are more positive aspects ,
such
 as offering various types of applications and communicating easier with different
poeople
Correct your spelling
people
.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the essay structure.
coherence cohesion
Connect ideas and paragraphs with a range of cohesive devices and organize information logically.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Comprehensively address all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully with well-supported arguments and evidence or examples.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points and enhance the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: