IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people support the development of agriculture, such as factory farming and creation of new fruits and vegetables. Others oppose this idea. Present both views.

#people #support #development #agriculture #factory #creation #fruits #vegetables #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Developing agricultural methods has been one of the most controversial issues
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recent years.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 agree with the flourishing the
agriculture
Use synonyms
 including establishing new types of fruits and vegetables, others have different
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 toward these transformations. On one hand, it is dramatically accepted by a large variety of
people
Use synonyms
 important to consider all the consequences of any kind of progress in
agriculture
Use synonyms
. For one thing, thriving methods of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 will lead
in producing
Wrong verb form
to the production of
show examples
 fruits and vegetables which have special features
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 imperative for specific purposes
such
Linking Words
 as medical ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 farming industry goes up, more
people
Use synonyms
 will immigrate to rural
district
Fix the agreement mistake
districts
show examples
 and there
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be a significant decrease in
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 devastating urban facilities
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in a great decrease in air pollution and
explosion
Add an article
the explosion
an explosion
show examples
 of population.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with totally opposite
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and oppose any
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 methods of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 have compelling justifications as well. The strongest idea reason would be that since any manipulation in the process of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 will result in
producing
Replace the word
the production of
show examples
 new types of fruits and vegetables, they may have non-refundable irreversible effects on the body and cause unknown diseases. On top of
this
Linking Words
, any progress may reduce
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
 of employees to the
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
, so the more development in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 takes place, the more rate of unemployment will increase which will have crucial dire consequences including financial problems
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a fundamental issue in the society. In conclusion, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the transformations in the method of
Use synonyms
agriculture
Add a comma
agriculture,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 have positive ideas
while
Linking Words
 others are opposed to them. As both groups have acceptable reasons it is essential that
bothattitude
Correct your spelling
both attitude
both attitudes
 are considered in order to get the most advantages.
Submitted by mahrokh.alaei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic before discussing the opposing views.
logical structure
Transition more smoothly between paragraphs and use a wider range of cohesive devices to make the essay's progression clearer.
supported main points
Develop main points with more detailed and specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.
complete response
Ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed and that your position is clear throughout your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand upon ideas to enhance understanding and avoid overly general statements that don't convey a clear standpoint.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate real-world examples to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: