some people say that music can bring people of different cultures and ages together. to what extend do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, people listen to various genres of
music
in every corner of the world. Some experts argue that music
would bring various groups
of a community together, while
others do not believe in this
idea. I am in favour of the first idea for two main reasons, which will be described comprehensively in this
article.
In recent years, the rate of producing music
has been
increased constantly, which has been bringing every group of communities together. Unnecessary verb
apply
Firstly
, music
is common sense for all human beings, which means that all humans can listen to music
and completely feel the background senses or ideas of that music
. I take “People of the World”, a perfect and multicultural music
by Michael Jackson, as an example, which was produced to show various ethnic groups
such
as Americans, Middle eastern, Hispanics, and Asians of different ages can play and sing together without any gaps. Secondly
, music
is the best way to describe thoroughly feelings, memories, and ideas indirectly. In other words
, if you want to say that you have fallen in love with somebody and tell it through music
, the lover will understand you better and actually will respond better to you, Also
, it could reduce the gaps.
On the other hand
, when we come to the generation gaps, we will find that different generations and cultures cannot understand themselves. For instance
, older people usually are fond of Jazz or Classical arts, compared to teenagers that
are fans of Rock or Hip-Hop Correct pronoun usage
who
music
. Consequently
, these groups
do not understand each other and it brings mixed challenges, although
some novel music
groups
combine these types of music
together to create common sense. For instance
, David Garret as a great violinist and master in the Rock genre produced extraordinary classical-rock music
, which is listened various groups
, for
this
reason, these novel genres reduce the differences between ages and cultures.
In a nutshell, in my idea generally, music
could bring various people of different cultures and ages together, for two main reasons such
as Correct article usage
apply
the
common sense for all humankind and the best way to describe ideas, feelings, and memories.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear statement of your position, but it could be improved by directly stating your opinion rather than saying it will be described. Consider rephrasing to make a stronger initial impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are evenly developed. The first body paragraph is stronger compared to the second. Balance both parts for a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'the rate of producing music has been increased constantly' could be better stated as 'the rate of music production has constantly increased.'
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as Michael Jackson and David Garrett, adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively conveyed complex ideas in a clear and understandable manner, such as music being a common sense for all humankind and a tool to express feelings, memories, and ideas.
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