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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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Globally, the widespread adoption of
technology
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 brings numerous advantages.
However
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, I am of the opinion that
technology
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 cannot entirely replace traditional
classroom
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 teaching.
This
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 essay will elucidate two crucial aspects supporting
this
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 viewpoint.
Firstly
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, it will examine the limitations of using
technology
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 for disciplining
students
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 in a
classroom
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 setting.
Secondly
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, it will explore potential drawbacks in the learning process when
students
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 are exclusively instructed through technological means.
Firstly
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, a robotic teacher made with artificial intelligence would lack sufficient control over its
classroom
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students
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.
For instance
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, it is widely known that kids need to be thoroughly watched by their
teachers
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 to be sure that they take their classwork seriously and do not fool around when classes are going on. Sadly,
this
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 is a task robotic
teachers
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 will be incapable of carrying out.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear that
classroom
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teachers
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 will never be totally substituted for
technology
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.
Secondly
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, the learning process of
students
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 would be disrupted if they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 taught by robotic
teachers
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, which may slow down some
students
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’ ability to comprehend information taught in lessons.
For example
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, kids love to be motivated before lessons are taught effectively.
This
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 is a quality that many human
teachers
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 have but robotic
teachers
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 do not have.
Thus
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 it becomes apparent that human
teachers
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 will never be replaced with robotic
teachers
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 in a
classroom
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. To summarise, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to
students
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 and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the idea of running a
classroom
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 completely by a machine cannot be supported. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
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this
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 subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over
technology
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-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of
this
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,
classroom
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teachers
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 will never be substituted for
technology
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the structure of your essay by providing a more distinct separation between ideas and paragraphs. Though an introduction and a conclusion are present, ensure the introduction clearly states the thesis and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay through more effective use of cohesive devices and better paragraphing. Connect your ideas in a seamlessly logical manner, ensuring that each paragraph naturally follows from the previous one.
task achievement
Work on expanding and clearly articulating your ideas. Demonstrate a deeper analysis to sufficiently support your arguments. Make sure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that this idea is properly developed.
task achievement
Include more specific examples in your body paragraphs to illustrate your points better. Specific examples help to provide detailed support for your arguments and make your ideas more convincing to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • progressively
  • substituted
  • prevalent
  • crucial
  • enhance
  • support
  • guidance
  • interaction
  • personal touch
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