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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think success can be seen in the amount of hard work and determination. Others measure one’s success through money and appearance Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The determinants of
success
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 in life have long been debated, sparking diverse opinions. Some advocate that
success
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 is largely the result of hard
work
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 and
determination
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,
while
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 others suggest that
factors
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such
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 as financial wealth and physical appearance play a crucial role.
This
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 essay will explore both viewpoints before concluding that
success
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 is typically influenced by a combination of both personal efforts and external circumstances. On one hand, the ethos that “hard
work
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 and
determination
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 are the keys to
success
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” is a widely held belief, supported by countless narratives of
individuals
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 overcoming adversity through sheer perseverance. Take,
for example
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, the story of J.K. Rowling, who, despite numerous rejections, transformed her life and career by tirelessly refining and championing her Harry Potter series.
This
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 example underscores the idea that dedication and persistence can, indeed, lead to monumental achievements, emphasizing that personal effort should not be underestimated in the pursuit of
success
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.
Conversely
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, it is undeniable that external
factors
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such
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 as socioeconomic status and aesthetic appeal can significantly shape one’s opportunities and,
consequently
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, one’s
success
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.
For instance
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, research indicates that
individuals
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 deemed attractive are more likely to be hired and promoted, which can lead to greater career
success
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.
Similarly
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, coming from a wealthy background can afford
individuals
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 access to superior education and professional networks, which often catalyse opportunities unavailable to their less affluent counterparts. These examples highlight how external
factors
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 can provide a platform from which
individuals
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 may leverage their hard
work
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 more effectively. In synthesizing both perspectives, it becomes apparent that
while
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 hard
work
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 and
determination
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 are indispensable, their efficacy is frequently amplified or hindered by external conditions. An individual's background and appearance often dictate the initial opportunities available to them, which in turn can significantly influence the trajectory of their
success
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. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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success
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 is not solely the product of one’s efforts or circumstances but rather a complex interplay between the two. Acknowledging
this
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 interdependence is crucial in understanding the multifaceted nature of
success
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.
Therefore
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,
while
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 personal
determination
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 is invaluable, societal
factors
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 equally play a critical role in shaping one's ultimate achievements in life.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are equally supported, as one of the points was slightly less developed.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect ideas and make it easier to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets the stage for both views on success.
task achievement
You provide strong examples to support your arguments, such as the example of J.K. Rowling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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