IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a notion that teaching children the
literature
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 and
history
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 of their own
country
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 is more necessary than that of other countries. I agree with
this
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 statement because learning their
history
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 can increase
nationalism
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, leading to a developing
country
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's growth. Still, knowing other countries' histories is
also
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 essential for establishing good relationships with foreigners. Every
country
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 has its own culture, language, and
history
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. People living in a particular
country
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 should know the
history
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 of its independence and its
literature
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 to increase their
ownership
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 and
nationalism
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.
Thus
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, it will raise awareness to help develop their
country
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.
For instance
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, someone studying abroad will return to their
country
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 if he has high
nationalism
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 and
ownership
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. The analogy is the same as car
ownership
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. We will fix our car if it is ours, but we do not care if the broken car is not ours.
Furthermore
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, teaching the children the
literature
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 and
history
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 of their own
country
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 is essential. Keep in mind that studying other countries’
history
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 is
also
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 necessary if we will build collaboration with foreigners. Knowing each other can lead to better relationships and encourage trust.
For example
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, knowing the
literature
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 and
history
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 of the
country
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 we will examine is essential if we study abroad. Local people will be more welcome and trusted if we know about them.
Likewise
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, when we collaborate with outsiders, they will be more accepting of us when we understand their
country
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.
In addition
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, it is important to note that we should know our identity before knowing others, and for that, we should know our
literature
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 and
history
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 first. In conclusion, it is important to teach the children the
literature
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 and
history
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 of their
country
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 to encourage their
ownership
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 and
nationalism
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. After that, knowing other countries’
history
Use synonyms
 will be better for
further
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, especially if we decide to study abroad or collaborate with outsiders.

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task achievement
While your main points are relevant, adding more specific examples can make your arguments more compelling. Try to incorporate detailed instances or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a slightly more coherent structure to ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. For example, start with the introduction, then address your first point before moving to the counterpoint.
task achievement
You provide a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, ensuring that your main ideas are well-expressed.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of thought.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are largely supported with explanations, which adds weight and clarity to your viewpoints.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national identity
  • cultural heritage
  • historical milestones
  • cultural narratives
  • global awareness
  • empathy
  • cultural diversity
  • international relationships
  • critical thinking
  • comparative analysis
  • interconnectedness
  • well-rounded educational experience
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