IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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While
 some individuals argue that the most crucial environmental concern today revolves around the endangerment of a wide variety of plants and animals, others believe that there are more pressing and significant environmental
issues
 at hand.
This
 essay will thoroughly analyze both perspectives before ultimately affirming my agreement with the latter. It is comprehensible why certain individuals argue that the extinction of specific
species
 of flora and fauna constitutes a pressing environmental issue. The primary justification for
this
 belief is that it can result in the depletion of biodiversity, which is a factor in significant environmental phenomena
such
 as climate change and ecological imbalance.
For example
, numerous
species
 of animals and plants are currently at risk of extinction, including the saola, Asian elephant, and turtle. Deforestation is a primary factor contributing to the decrease in the number of plants. Given these factors, it is entirely justifiable to believe that the loss of numerous wild
species
 is the primary cause of environmental
issues
.
Conversely
, I align myself with those who argue that there are more significant environmental
issues
. Primarily, the environmental problems arise from a confluence of multiple factors. Concurrent with the process of modernization and industrialization, individuals have not only achieved remarkable success in their lives but have
also
 had a detrimental impact on the environment.
For instance
, transportation vehicles emit carbon dioxide, which contributes to the carbon footprint.
Additionally
, the untreated wastewater discharged by numerous factories poses a threat to human health and aquatic life. All of those
issues
 are pressing and should be addressed promptly to safeguard our living environment. Ultimately,
while
 there are valid arguments supporting the notion that the depletion of wild
species
 is primarily responsible for environmental problems, I maintain that these
issues
 stem from a multitude of factors.
Submitted by annguyenbe11 on

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Task Achievement
Continue to provide a balanced and comprehensive analysis of both viewpoints before making a reasoned conclusion. It strengthens your argument and demonstrates an excellent understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure every paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, and follow it with supporting sentences that provide examples or further explanation. This structure enhances readability and the logical flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For future essays, consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to further demonstrate your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Remember to include more concrete examples or data when supporting your arguments. This increases the persuasiveness and relevance of your points.
Structure
The essay effectively presents and analyzes differing viewpoints on environmental issues, leading to a well-supported conclusion.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a concise summary of the essay's main arguments and the author's perspective.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, such as deforestation's impact on animal species, enhances your argument by providing tangible evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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