In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important what are the causes of the? Is this a positive or negative development?
The importance of owning a home rather than renting an apartment
which was
always been debated many Wrong verb form
has
people
claim that it is beneficial while
others reject this
. I believe that it is positive
development by owning a home. I agree with the formal notion of discord.
To initiate , Property is indispensable for Correct article usage
a positive
people
to purchase lands and build trailer
which causes humans to be Fix the agreement mistake
trailers
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
while
owning a home and making wealth buying
lands which helps to increase their portfolio in the future. Change preposition
by buying
Further
, landowners focus on their careers as well and spend time with family members also
easily manage their expanses and have no tension for monthly mortgages. The economy will grow no longer poverty
will because by Change preposition
in poverty
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
people
will be employed by constructing houses we need architecture, building materials, furniture, carpainter
, and electrition which is all get work and earn Correct your spelling
carpenter
car painter
salary
which will help to bill flow in the economy and the country will Add an article
a salary
be develop
.
There are some negative developments who are working or studying under the ages of 30 to 21 between those ages youngsters spend too much property on liabilities Change the verb form
be developed
such
as,
cars or Remove the comma
apply
apartment
. Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
Moreover
, they get loans from banks for purchasing hospital
and cars , Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
therefore
, making too much debts
traps at Fix the agreement mistake
many debt
the
early age that's the reason they Correct article usage
an
do
not capable of earning capital sufficient to buy shelter Verb problem
are
further
they do
not able to pay back loans to banks. So, from my perspective younger Change the verb
are
people
need to rent an apartment while
they are studying and working it will help to maintain an easy life.
To conclude
, Although
it is a positive development who have enough capital to purchase property and for the economy of the nation there
few negative impacts under the age of 30 will Correct pronoun usage
apply
be
not be denied.Unnecessary verb
apply
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task achievement
Your essay reflects an attempt to address the prompt, but a clearer and more explicit position on the issue throughout the essay would strengthen your task response. Make sure your stance on whether the importance placed on homeownership is a positive or negative development is consistently and clearly presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical progression of ideas. Ideas and arguments should be arranged in a coherent and logical manner. The usage of linking words and cohesive devices needs to be improved to help guide the reader through the arguments you are presenting.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure and ensure that each has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument and that they are not off-topic or repetitive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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