An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In contemporary society, when people want to become celebrities

such

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as actors, boy bands, and girl groups, they have to have a good appearance to attract others to like them.

Therefore

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, there is an increase in the number of people tending to have cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

in order to develop their face

while

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many believe that more individuals have to use

this

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method to change their look.

This

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essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, there are several reasons why people choose to have

surgery

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. One of the important reasons is that beauty standards are the foundation of confidence; for

this

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idea, individuals prefer to enhance their beauty with doctors when they are not confident enough.

Moreover

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, the entertainment industry needs citizens like women who are gorgeous or men who are handsome to become actors or actresses.

As a result

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, cosmetic

surgery

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is a positive way if they want to work in the entertainment industry.

On the other hand

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, despite the many advantages of

this

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issue, there are a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored. It is obvious that cosmetic

surgery

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is too expensive and some can not afford budget. In my view,

although

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you do not have a good face or body, you do not have to have

surgery

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because there are many ways to make you look like some celebrities

such

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as doing work-out, doing exercise, and doing activities to make you a body.

Also

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, the most significant are self-confidence and care for your face

such

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as using skin care. In conclusion, so as to improve their surface, citizens prefer to go to doctors for

surgery

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However

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, they can improve themselves apart from

surgery

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champperkhuWed Dec 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay structure could be enhanced by introducing clearer paragraphing and utilising a range of cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This would ensure the reader can follow your argument more easily.

coherence cohesion

While you have introduced the topic and provided a conclusion, both segments of the essay could be developed further. The introduction should more clearly outline the points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly sum up your arguments, presenting a clear final stance on the issue.

task achievement

To support your main points, it's beneficial to include more detailed examples and explanations. Illustrations that are specific and directly relevant to the issue discussed enrich your essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

task achievement

You have addressed the task partially; however, your response would benefit from a deeper exploration of the reasons behind the popularity of cosmetic surgery and a more comprehensive discussion on whether it is a positive or negative development. Aim to showcase a balanced view by discussing contrasting viewpoints thoroughly before presenting your own.

task achievement

Consider providing a more substantial conclusion that reflects on the arguments presented throughout the essay and states your position more definitively. This will give your essay a more persuasive and credible tone.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Discussion In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Mobile phones and the internet could have many benefits for older adults. However, this age group uses technology the least. What are the benefits for older adults of using mobile phones and the internet? How can we encourage them to use this new technology?