An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
In contemporary society, when people want to become celebrities
such
as actors, boy bands, and girl groups, they have to have a good appearance to attract others to like them. Therefore
, there is an increase in the number of people tending to have cosmetic surgery
in order to develop their face while
many believe that more individuals have to use this
method to change their look. This
essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people choose to have surgery
. One of the important reasons is that beauty standards are the foundation of confidence; for this
idea, individuals prefer to enhance their beauty with doctors when they are not confident enough. Moreover
, the entertainment industry needs citizens like women who are gorgeous or men who are handsome to become actors or actresses. As a result
, cosmetic surgery
is a positive way if they want to work in the entertainment industry.
On the other hand
, despite the many advantages of this
issue, there are a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored. It is obvious that cosmetic surgery
is too expensive and some can not afford budget. In my view, although
you do not have a good face or body, you do not have to have surgery
because there are many ways to make you look like some celebrities such
as doing work-out, doing exercise, and doing activities to make you a body. Also
, the most significant are self-confidence and care for your face such
as using skin care.
In conclusion, so as to improve their surface, citizens prefer to go to doctors for surgery
. However
, they can improve themselves apart from surgery
.Submitted by champperkhu on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure could be enhanced by introducing clearer paragraphing and utilising a range of cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This would ensure the reader can follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
While you have introduced the topic and provided a conclusion, both segments of the essay could be developed further. The introduction should more clearly outline the points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly sum up your arguments, presenting a clear final stance on the issue.
task achievement
To support your main points, it's beneficial to include more detailed examples and explanations. Illustrations that are specific and directly relevant to the issue discussed enrich your essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed the task partially; however, your response would benefit from a deeper exploration of the reasons behind the popularity of cosmetic surgery and a more comprehensive discussion on whether it is a positive or negative development. Aim to showcase a balanced view by discussing contrasting viewpoints thoroughly before presenting your own.
task achievement
Consider providing a more substantial conclusion that reflects on the arguments presented throughout the essay and states your position more definitively. This will give your essay a more persuasive and credible tone.
