IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that women should not be allowed to join the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
women
Use synonyms
 should not be employed to become
police
Use synonyms
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 some think that it is vital to have female
police
Use synonyms
 officers. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with allowing females to participate in the
police
Use synonyms
 force
due to
Linking Words
 their skills,
knowledge
Use synonyms
, and their way of thinking,
although
Linking Words
 some believe that there is a limit
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
women
Use synonyms
’s physical strength. It is vital to understand that
police
Use synonyms
 should be judged on skills and
knowledge
Use synonyms
 rather than by gender.
This
Linking Words
 is because both genders receive the same education which leads to the similarity in their
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, females are able to take part in the
police
Use synonyms
forced
Change the form of the verb
force
show examples
 as they are qualified in
knowledge
Use synonyms
 evaluation.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 do not often lose patience and
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 always careful in whatever they do, so
this
Linking Words
 boosts accuracy
while
Linking Words
 doing missions,
such
Linking Words
 as investigating or dealing with suspects.
According to
Linking Words
 the research
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
FBI in 2024,
women
Use synonyms
 showed a 50% higher work efficiency in investigating compared to their counterparts.
However
Linking Words
, some think that
women
Use synonyms
 are not as strong as men. In fact, men have bigger body
frame
Fix the agreement mistake
frames
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 more muscle in their bodies, so it will be safer if they do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous duties
such
Linking Words
 as chasing or controlling criminals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, female
police
Use synonyms
 officers can be assaulted by criminals who have tremendous strength or lose track of those who have better durability. In conclusion,
women
Use synonyms
 should be given a chance to join the
police
Use synonyms
 force
due to
Linking Words
 their
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and abilities
in solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 problems,
although
Linking Words
 their physical strength
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not better than men.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
You should avoid generalizing statements; instead, provide more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and to improve clarity.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Your example about women in investigations is relevant and strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: