IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In your view, what is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

3.0 / 9
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Introduction
So many problems in a
country
Use synonyms
 that must solved by
a governments
Correct the article-noun agreement
governments
a government
show examples
.
Education
Use synonyms
, health,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
 are cases that important to note. A
government
Use synonyms
 will be a developed area if a
government
Use synonyms
 always looking out for
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 people. In some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 governments must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
know which problems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
priority to
solved
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
 first.
Body paragraph 1
As a person in
Use synonyms
government
Add a comma
government,
show examples
 they must know what things in a
country
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must be paid more attention
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 improved. But if I can give my opinion the most important thing for governments to spend money is on
education
Use synonyms
. If the
citizens
Use synonyms
 have a decent
education
Use synonyms
, they will help many things
for makes
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 their
country
Use synonyms
 better.
Body paragraph 2
For example
Linking Words
, if a
country
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
 who have a decent
education
Use synonyms
 every
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
show examples
 will be solved quickly. If the
government
Use synonyms
 makes many rules in a
country
Use synonyms
 but they don't have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
citizens
a citizen
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
 that can not understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In
this
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
digital era,
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 is made very fast and uses a lot of technology. A
country
Use synonyms
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
keep up with the changes taking place in the world.
Body paragraph 4
Everythings
Fix the agreement mistake
Everything
show examples
 will
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 if
citizens
Use synonyms
 understand how to carry out all public facilities that have been provided.
Conclusion
The world will move
foward
Correct your spelling
forward
along with
Linking Words
 the times, so important for the
government
Use synonyms
Fix the infinitive
to makes
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 their
citizens
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 and equitable
education
Use synonyms
. If
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 have a good
education
Use synonyms
, they will create good human resources to make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health, proper transportation,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and state your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is important to help your essay flow. Use clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Your essay lacked coherence due to the absence of clear transitions and structure.
coherence cohesion
When presenting your main points, support them with examples or evidence. Your essay mentioned the importance of education but failed to provide compelling examples or evidence to support this claim. Use specific instances or data to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure you understand the task and fully address all parts of the question. While you identified education as the most important area of government spending, you did not sufficiently explore or compare it to the other options given (health, transportation).
task achievement
Your ideas should be clearly expressed and comprehensive. Work on formulating your ideas more clearly and avoid general statements. Be precise and to the point to successfully address the topic.
task achievement
To score higher on task achievement, incorporate examples that are specific and relevant to the topic. Drawing on personal experience or knowledge can help illustrate your points more convincingly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocation of resources
  • socioeconomic development
  • innovation
  • public health
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable practices
  • conservation
  • equality
  • trade
  • emergency preparedness
  • safety nets
  • mitigating
  • critical thinking
  • outbreaks
  • workforce
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