Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is said that tourism will bring about memorable
experience
. Meanwhile, some people argue that it is time-consuming and money-wasting. Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
This
essay will shed light on two perspectives, and I agree completely with the former.
On the other hand
, it is undisputed that travelling is a waste of time and money. Firstly
, the amount of money spent on travelling is not cheap. Because you may have to pay a wide variety of things, such
as expenditure for trasportation
, Correct your spelling
transportation
accomodation
, and meals. Correct your spelling
accommodation
Furthermore
, there can be some unexpected things that always happen when you set off your
on a journey Correct pronoun usage
apply
although
you suppose
to be ready to set Wrong verb form
are supposed
a
Change the article
an
edequate
budget. Correct your spelling
adequate
Additionally
, travelling can be time-consuming because you have to take a break from work. This
deprive
Change the verb form
deprives
of
some money from your salary. Correct pronoun usage
you of
Finally
, instead
of travelling to some famous places, you could watch them on televison
. Correct your spelling
television
This
can help you save amount
of time Add an article
the amount
an amount
which
you spend Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
sitting on the bus or plane.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, tourism can have their
own benefits. Correct pronoun usage
its
Firsly
, going to well-known places will bring us Correct your spelling
Firstly
the
tangible experience because we can touch, sense and see what we just read in the books or hear Correct article usage
a
from
the radio. Change preposition
on
For example
, when you watch TV about a famous scenery and hear about the specilities
and the hospitability of the local people, you cannot know if these things are true or not. Correct your spelling
specialities
Therefore
, it is probably best that you should expose and answer that question yourself. Secondly
, in terms of feeling aspect, travelling can help you relax and release stress level. For example
, when you are snowed under with work and you are fed up with your surroudings
, going to other places can help you boost your mood.
Correct your spelling
surroundings
To sum up
, besides
the drawbacks which may be brought by travelling, there are many its
advantages Correct pronoun usage
apply
can
be taken into consideration. Correct pronoun usage
that can
This
depends on your purposes and feelings. From my perspective, it is worth travelling.Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on
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introduction
Ensure the essay introduction clearly sets out the main topic and your position on it while providing background context. Your opening statement could be strengthened by clearly outlining the two views you will discuss.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarily capture your discussions and reinforce your opinion, which you stated earlier. Strive to make your closing remarks definitive and resonating.
development
While you've made an attempt to show both sides of the argument, there is room for improvement. You should ensure that each paragraph features a clear main idea and is developed thoroughly with examples and arguments that are extensively elaborated.
coherence
Improve coherence by enhancing logical progression of ideas using proper paragraphing and clear topic sentences. Utilize linking phrases effectively to show the relationship between ideas.
cohesion
Cohesion can be improved by using a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Also, be sure to vary them to avoid repetitiveness.
task response
Strive to complete the task by fully answering all parts of the question. Your opinion was not clearly stated in the introduction, and more in-depth analysis is needed to provide a clear, comprehensive response.
clarity
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by addressing each point with specific details. Avoid generalizations that may not strongly support your arguments, and endeavor to be direct and precise.
examples
Include relevant, specific examples to support each viewpoint. The use of hypothetical scenarios is acceptable, but real-world examples or personal experiences significantly strengthen an argument.