IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is said that tourism will bring about memorable
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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. Meanwhile, some people argue that it is time-consuming and money-wasting.
This
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 essay will shed light on two perspectives, and I agree completely with the former.
On the other hand
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, it is undisputed that travelling is a waste of time and money.
Firstly
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, the amount of money spent on travelling is not cheap. Because you may have to pay a wide variety of things,
such
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 as expenditure for
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, and meals.
Furthermore
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, there can be some unexpected things that always happen when you set off
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on a journey
although
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 you
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
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 to be ready to set
a
Change the article
an
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edequate
Correct your spelling
adequate
 budget.
Additionally
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, travelling can be time-consuming because you have to take a break from work.
This
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deprive
Change the verb form
deprives
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of
Correct pronoun usage
you of
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 some money from your salary.
Finally
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,
instead
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 of travelling to some famous places, you could watch them on
televison
Correct your spelling
television
.
This
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 can help you save
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
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 of time
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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you spend
on
Change preposition
apply
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sitting on the bus or plane.
On the other hand
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, tourism can have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own benefits.
Firsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, going to well-known places will bring us
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tangible experience because we can touch, sense and see what we just read in the books or hear
from
Change preposition
on
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 the radio.
For example
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, when you watch TV about a famous scenery and hear about the
specilities
Correct your spelling
specialities
 and the hospitability of the local people, you cannot know if these things are true or not.
Therefore
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, it is probably best that you should expose and answer that question yourself.
Secondly
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, in terms of feeling aspect, travelling can help you relax and release stress level.
For example
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, when you are snowed under with work and you are fed up with your
surroudings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
, going to other places can help you boost your mood.
To sum up
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,
besides
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 the drawbacks which may be brought by travelling, there are many
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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advantages
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be taken into consideration.
This
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 depends on your purposes and feelings. From my perspective, it is worth travelling.

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introduction
Ensure the essay introduction clearly sets out the main topic and your position on it while providing background context. Your opening statement could be strengthened by clearly outlining the two views you will discuss.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarily capture your discussions and reinforce your opinion, which you stated earlier. Strive to make your closing remarks definitive and resonating.
development
While you've made an attempt to show both sides of the argument, there is room for improvement. You should ensure that each paragraph features a clear main idea and is developed thoroughly with examples and arguments that are extensively elaborated.
coherence
Improve coherence by enhancing logical progression of ideas using proper paragraphing and clear topic sentences. Utilize linking phrases effectively to show the relationship between ideas.
cohesion
Cohesion can be improved by using a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Also, be sure to vary them to avoid repetitiveness.
task response
Strive to complete the task by fully answering all parts of the question. Your opinion was not clearly stated in the introduction, and more in-depth analysis is needed to provide a clear, comprehensive response.
clarity
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by addressing each point with specific details. Avoid generalizations that may not strongly support your arguments, and endeavor to be direct and precise.
examples
Include relevant, specific examples to support each viewpoint. The use of hypothetical scenarios is acceptable, but real-world examples or personal experiences significantly strengthen an argument.
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