People are starting to think that the idea of having a single career is an old fashioned one and that having several part-time jobs is better. Do the benefits outweigh the disadvantage?
Nowadays many families have part-time activities because of increasing competition in the market and some societies do only one job for a secure life. Many public believe that it is beneficial
while
others reject this
notion. I attempt to both approaches positive and negative. It is a logical conclusion.
To begin
with, folk will earn money with different streams of income sources by doing part-era assignments. It will help to manage their expenses in the modern era because inflation enhances day by day. For example
, if the community did only a single job it was impossible to manage expenses and savings with an average salary of $60000 a year . The different streams of income help to maintain living costs and savings for their future.
Secondly
, Folks upgrade their skills by doing part-date careers which helps to get more productive and creative in their lives and they gain experience which helps to get a better position than the other competitors in the market.
On the contrary
, The most obvious drawback is less past spent with their friends and family which makes them unparalleled relationships for loved ones. Therefore
, they do even not participate in events like marriages and birthday parties creating more unhappy relationship problems . Furthermore
, they face issues regarding health such
as asthma, cough, heavy sickness, and no exercise in daily life. As a result
, In the long term, their body will damage and cause different types of diseases.
To conclude
, Although
the crowd does part-age assignments to increase income streams and manage their expenses and savings there are some problems regarding doing a part-life stints
as they do not spend second with family and do no exercise which will cause more diseases in the long term. I believe that part-occasion professions are better for only less space, work and energy which helps to maintain a time schedule for health and families as well. If do not compromise their health and money.Correct the article-noun agreement
a part-life stint
part-life stints
Submitted by prit699731 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent logical structure. It is important to present your ideas in a way that is easy for the reader to follow. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensuring that the subsequent sentences adequately support the main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion, they are not presented in a clear manner which makes it difficult to follow your argument. Make sure that your introduction introduces the topic and your position clearly, and that your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported, but you need to further develop them and use more detailed examples. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with specific evidence or examples to back it up.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task, but your ideas are not fully developed and the essay is quite basic. Be sure to fully answer all parts of the prompt, and develop your arguments with clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the question.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but not comprehensive. Expand and clearly explain your thoughts, making use of a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetition and ensure that your essay captures the complexity of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay could benefit from specific examples. Your examples are too general and don't add significant weight to your arguments. Use more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your points, which will make your essay more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.