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Band 7

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
Some people believe that people who have been in
prison
 become good
citizens
 later. Personally, I think
this
 is true that ex-inmates can become an example in society, especially for the younger generation to avoid crime in the future. Prisons or correctional centres are institutions created by the state to transform criminals. Institutions are created by the state to transform criminals or offenders into good
citizens
 or criminals into good
citizens
. By entering
prison
, an offender receives intervention in the form of education in various fields after serving his detention period is expected to return to live in the community and no longer commit acts that violate the law.
Prison
 is a "school" so that former prisoners become new individuals who are more responsible.
Furthermore
, correctional institutions in
this
 country
then
 teach knowledge and skills so that a prisoner has the skills to get a job after release. Prisoners
also
 receive guidance and counselling so that they become good
citizens
 and obey the law. In conclusion, I agree that rehabilitated offenders can be positive individuals in the future for the younger generation. The relationship between rehabilitated offenders and youth can be beneficial but under the direct supervision of police officers.
This
 is because they can tell the real story behind the cell and the disadvantages of admitting the crime.
Thus
, teenagers can learn more about the difficult conditions and how inmates are treated in
prison
.
As a result
, the awareness to avoid illegal acts will be formed.
Moreover
, parents and teachers
also
 play an important role in preventing crime offences among juvenile delinquents.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay which consistently responds to the task. Your introduction should clearly state your viewpoint and the conclusion should reiterate this stance. In between, each body paragraph must address a different aspect of your argument related to your view.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear and logically sequenced paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a set of sentences that expand on that idea coherently. Also, use a range of cohesive devices effectively but do not overuse them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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