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Band 4

Some parents bring their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#parents #children #toys
Any
fahter
Correct your spelling
father
faster
 and mother give their kids many
toys
for playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
 Some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
toys
 make their
children
 more creative to play with them. In my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, big number of
toys
 for playing
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 more time to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 their facility to play and it
is help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the
children
 to develop motor
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and cognitive
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
.
However
, I
also
 believe that having
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 figure of
toys
 will
spent much
Verb problem
cost a lot of
show examples
 money to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
This
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 is not good
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
management
Add an article
the management
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
a familiy's
show examples
familiy's
Correct your spelling
family's
 economic system. There are positive impacts for
children
wity
Correct your spelling
with
 many
plaything
Change to a plural noun
playthings
show examples
.
Fisrtly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, the kids can improve their creativity to
macht
Correct your spelling
match
 their
toy
Fix the agreement mistake
toys
show examples
 based on figure, size, and function.
For example
, plaything with
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 size will put in
bottom
Add an article
a bottom
the bottom
show examples
 and
sligthly
Correct your spelling
slightly
more small
Replace the words
smaller
show examples
 than before will
put
Add a missing verb
be put
show examples
 in the up and it is
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continuously
 do until the end.
Secondly
,
plaything
Change the noun form
playthings
show examples
 like kind of
vihicle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
 construction and transportation can improve
children
's
knowloedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about that.
For example
, the
children
 will know the name and function
each
Change preposition
of each
show examples
 model of transportation
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
garbage
truct
Correct your spelling
truck
trust
 has
function
Add an article
a function
the function
show examples
 to clean up, dump
truct
Correct your spelling
truck
trucks
 to bring material, cement
truct
Correct your spelling
truck
 to pick up cement material, and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. The lack of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plaything
Fix the agreement mistake
playthings
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
childreen
Correct your spelling
children
 always want to buy
knew
Correct your spelling
new
show examples
toys
. it will spend much cost to cover
this
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 and
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
children
 always
bore
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
 with their
toys
 and let
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
storage.
For example
, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 play with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knew
Correct your spelling
new
show examples
toys
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they play
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 plaything in few
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 after
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
feel
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used to it.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 case, the kids will want to
knew
Change the verb
know
show examples
toys
 and money devoted will
apppear
Correct your spelling
appear
 in
this
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the figure of plaything
give
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 for
children
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and knowledge.
However
, it is important thing to
be our
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 financial management for family.
Submitted by endangsepdanius on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear, structured introduction and conclusion which are necessary for a high score in coherence and cohesion. Use introductory phrases and a summarizing conclusion to frame your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Several points are presented without clear supporting details or examples. Develop each main point with specific evidence or illustrations to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response is somewhat relevant but often veers off-topic with overly general statements. Focus on directly answering the question and ensure all parts of the task are addressed with a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
While some ideas are clear, others are vague or not fully comprehensible. Aim for clarity by presenting ideas in a logical order, expanding on them with clear reasoning or examples.
task achievement
There are attempts to provide examples, but many are not fully relevant or specific enough to the topic. Use more specific, targeted examples to back up your points regarding the advantages and disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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