Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
in contrast
to the past time
both
sexes
work
with each other;
moreover
, the
fact
that 2 several groups of people have various abilities;
however
, we can see a kind of genders in some categories lose their jobs for their sex. In my opinion,
this
belief that one gender particularly females cannot handle some occupations and they must choose other things is the fault owing to the
fact
that in some works these populations are the best ones for their experiences and knowledge
also
, merging
both
groups climbs works yield . On the one hand, when
both
women and men
work
with each other, their
work
will be done immediately with high efficiency
due to
the
fact
that females' and males' brains solve matters in different ways.
For instance
, one factory produces a new phone and wants to find its problems. when women obtain it see the type of design, colour, and various facilities that have;
although
, men see the buttery capacity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and elements which are relating to the length of time that phone can
work
.
On the other hand
, it is crucial that managers who choose employees select workers who have more experience and higher education without thinking about sex and the
work
situation inasmuch as people who apply for a job opportunity know about a range of issues that have in their
work
and they know that they can solve them;
thereafter
, sent their resume;
as a result
, they are able to
work
really good to illustrate, the women who are pilots.
To sum up
, the
fact
that having
both
sexes in various
work
has a number of benefits;
furthermore
, CEOs have to select people for a career by their talents, not their sex.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction provides an overview, but the main thesis could be clearer. Try to directly state your position on the topic and outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph. This will help to make your arguments more structured and easier to follow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning well-known female pilots or engineers could strengthen your argument about gender not limiting job performance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitional phrases can be very effective in helping the reader understand how different ideas are related.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid long, complicated sentences that may confuse the reader. Instead, aim for clear and concise sentences that convey your points effectively.
task response
The essay addresses the topic and attempts to provide reasons and examples to support the main argument.
task response
You have a good understanding of the issue and make valid points about gender equality in the workplace and how it benefits productivity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-structured essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: