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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

#someone #luck
Believe
or
Correct pronoun usage
it or
show examples
 not someone gets their goals based on luck.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in my view, I disagree with
this
argue
Replace the word
argument
show examples
 because there is
God
Change noun form
God's
show examples
work
 in human
life
 and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
work
 hard to get their
gols
Correct your spelling
goals
. The biggest reason is that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are unlucky but blessed.
People
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 today because
God
 blesses human
life
 with
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, food,
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and
evertything
Correct your spelling
everything
people
 have in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
,
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 still live today because
God
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 to them eventually it is not because someone
lucky
Add a missing verb
is lucky
show examples
 or not , it is because
God
 created
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 the best for
people
God
 loves. Another reason is
,
Correct determiner usage
that, everthing
show examples
Change preposition
for everthing
show examples
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
people
 will achieve in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they have to
work
 hard. They try to make movement
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 side to
aother
Correct your spelling
another
 side. They cannot get something without working for it.
for instance
, employee have to give the best performance in their company
hence
 they will get their salary. to recapitulate, I disagree somebody achieved their hit by luck because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe someone
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 their goals because
god
blessing
Wrong verb form
blesses
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and they
work
 hard for that.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should clearly state its main idea and develop that idea with supporting sentences. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be greatly improved to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task only partially, providing a limited response to the prompt. You must develop your arguments more fully and provide more relevant examples to support your viewpoint. Always ensure you address all parts of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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