IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#information #population #australia #malaysia #summarise #features #comparisons
The given table provides the total
population
 in
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
 of
millions
 and the proportion of gender, birth rate, average annual
population
 growth and people aged over 65 in
Australia
 and
Malaysia
 in the years 1980 and 2002. In general, in the same period of time, both countries witnessed a significant increase in the total
population
.
Furthermore
, the percentages of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries did not nearly change. Meanwhile, the birthrate tended to slight decrease and the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 rose. You can see more detail from the table, in the same passage of
22-year time
Correct your spelling
22 years
, the total
population
 in
Australia
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a rise
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 4.9
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Meanwhile,
this
figure
 was nearly doubled, with 13.7
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1980 and 24.3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2002. Interestingly, the percentage of both genders in
Australia
 stayed the same in the period, with 49.0 % and 50.1%, for
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
population
 and female
population
,
perspectively
Replace the word
respectively
show examples
. In
Malaysia
, the male
population
 rose by 0.3%, but the
figure
 for
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
population
 fell by 0.3%. The birthrate in
Australia
 and
Malaysia
 experienced
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unnoticeable rise to 0.2% and 0.1%,
perspectively
Replace the word
respectively
show examples
.
Although
 the proportion of average annual
population
 growth in
Australia
 witnessed
insignificant
Add an article
an insignificant
show examples
 increase,
this
figure
 in
Malaysia
 dropped slightly to 0.3%. The percentage of
senior
Add an article
the senior
show examples
population
 in
Australia
 rose by 2.8%, which was almost 5 times
differential
Add an article
the differential
show examples
 rate
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
figure
 for
Malaysia
.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, millions, australia, malaysia, figure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: