IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, with the use and development of prevailing technology being on the rise, numerous
machines
Use synonyms
 are now able to accomplish actions which people used to do. Indeed, everything comes with a price, but I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon delivers more advantages than disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is obvious that machinery makes life easier, as it gives benefits to various professions.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen in how workers in factories used to utilise conventional tools to produce simple stuff like food and build complex things like vehicles. Those time-consuming and physically draining jobs are now easier to do with the help of automation. Other than that,
this
Linking Words
 advancement of technology is more economical. The Nissin wafer factory,
for example
Linking Words
, the company is benefitted by bringing modern devices to bolster wafer production.
This
Linking Words
 equipment is able to make more wafer production with less expense, as
machines
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 minimise the number of workers working in the firm, which means the company can cut wage expenditure.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the replacement of workers by
machines
Use synonyms
 can cause a rising rate of unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 most likely happens
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 areas related to packaging and sorting. Employees who work to pack and sort things are getting replaced by automatic devices.
However
Linking Words
, there are countries that take measures to prevent unemployment caused by
this
Linking Words
 movement. In China,
for example
Linking Words
, the government set policies to prevent increasing unemployment
due to
Linking Words
 technological advancement.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the development of technology has delivered both benefits and setbacks to our lives.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite its drawbacks,
this
Linking Words
 improvement is more advantageous.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I opine that people, especially the ones who hold power in big corporations should make use of these
machines
Use synonyms
 wisely, and the government should make rules to combat the possible issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a clear overall structure with a defined introduction and conclusion. However, further development of body paragraphs to link back to the question's context would enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each body paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea you will discuss.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task sufficiently, but further expansion on the advantages and disadvantages with more comprehensive explanations could be beneficial. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic and meet the requirement of a clear, comprehensive response.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant examples. While the examples provided are good, offering more instances or case studies will provide stronger support for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: