Task 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
It would be argued that prison is the popular way in most countries to deal with crime.
Nevertheless
, the provision of a better education
can be taken into consideration to solve this
problem. From my perspective, jail can be maintained as the main measure and a better education
should be taken into account to lower the crime rates.
At a certain level, prison functions well in controlling illegal actions. Firstly
, with
those Change preposition
apply
whose
commit serious Correct pronoun usage
who
criminals
like murder, serious-level vandalism, sexual assault, etc should receive a strict punishment to isolate them from Replace the word
crimes
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, an intentional murder
may repeat his action Replace the word
murderer
due to
lack
of strictness of the law. He may think that he just Correct article usage
the lack
pretend
to receive an Wrong verb form
pretended
education
from the court, he does not understand the seriousness of his criminal and he may become more dangerous.
On the other hand
, with
those who have an awareness of their criminal can be given the grace of law by receiving Change preposition
apply
education
. For example
, some criminal
are teenagers, they do not commit Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
criminal
on purpose, Replace the word
crimes
or
some people who Correct word choice
and
did
illegal actions because of Wrong verb form
do
lack
of understanding Correct article usage
a lack
about
Change preposition
of
law
. With unserious Add an article
the law
criminal
, we can provide them an appropriate instruction and give them more chances to change their behaviour because people deserve to be treated tolerantly.
In conclusion, people should remain Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
prison
as a core punishment to lower the serious illegal actions. In my opinion, those who do not commit a serious Change preposition
in prison
criminal
can be given legal knowledge to change their deeds.Replace the word
crime
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion which is good, but the logical flow between ideas could be improved for better coherence. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with some examples, however, including more specific and relevant examples will enrich your argument and provide a stronger case for your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your overall response to the task is fairly complete, yet you'll need to develop your ideas further and clarify them more to fully address all parts of the prompt. Ensure each point directly relates back to the question being asked.
task achievement
Avoid grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. It's crucial for better understanding and to convey your message effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite