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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that there are different views regarding how
children
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 should spend their
time
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 outside school. Some people believe that
children
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 should take on additional
responsibilities
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,
while
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 others argue that they should be free to enjoy their childhood. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support giving
children
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 extra
responsibilities
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent reasons is that it helps develop important life skills. To illustrate, tasks
such
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 as helping at home can teach
children
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 discipline, independence, and
time
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 management.
For instance
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,
children
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 who are involved in household chores may learn how to organise their
time
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 and take responsibility for their actions.
In addition
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, early exposure to
responsibilities
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 can prepare them for adult life and future challenges. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that childhood is a crucial period for relaxation, creativity, and personal development. To clarify, excessive
responsibilities
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 may place unnecessary pressure on
children
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 and limit their opportunities to explore their interests.
For example
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,
children
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 who spend too much
time
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 on duties may have less
time
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 for play, social interaction, and hobbies.
Furthermore
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, free
time
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 is important for mental well-being and
overall
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 happiness. To recapitulate, it is evident that giving
children
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responsibilities
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 can help develop essential skills,
while
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 allowing them free
time
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 supports their happiness and creativity. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
children
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 should have some
responsibilities
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, but a balanced approach is necessary to ensure healthy development.

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task response
Write a little more about your own view. You give your opinion, but it is short. Add one or two more clear ideas.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your examples are good, but they are still general. Add one real and clear case.
task response
Explain each main idea a bit more. Some points are clear, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words sound too formal and repeated. Use simple links in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Make the body paragraphs a little stronger by adding one more sentence after each example.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is clear, but your opinion could be stronger in the conclusion.
task response
You answer both views and also give your own opinion.
task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to understand.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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