IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that companies should manufacture products that last for a long time. Others feel that emphasis should be placed on producing goods that are cheap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #companies #products #time #emphasis #goods
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Some argue that manufacturers should produce
goods
Use synonyms
 that can be used for a long period,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that manufacturers should prioritize
goods
Use synonyms
 that can be sold for a low price.
Although
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
 that can
last
Linking Words
 for a long time can give buyers
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 value of their
money
Use synonyms
, I believe that it is better to produce
goods
Use synonyms
 with low
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 because can help consumers save
money
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, others may prefer
products
Use synonyms
 that can be used for a long time.
This
Linking Words
 is because they think that they can give them the value of their
money
Use synonyms
. They can
use
Verb problem
be
show examples
 them for years because they are made from quality material and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 meticulously made.
For instance
Linking Words
, Hermes bags
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 millions of pesos because it was made from quality leather. Most people who can afford them are millionaires.
However
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, the
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 only from
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 and low-income families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, producing
goods
Use synonyms
 that are affordable can be appealing to consumers because it
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but most importantly
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them save
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is especially beneficial in today's economy because the cost of living is extremely expensive and
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 salary is not enough to live comfortably. Cheap
goods
Use synonyms
 can help them survive in
this
Linking Words
 thriving economy.
For instance
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of buying a $3 pocket of pasta, buyers can choose one that only costs $1 but
taste
Correct subject-verb agreement
tastes
show examples
 exactly the same.
Therefore
Linking Words
, affordable
products
Use synonyms
 can help people to save more. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 producing
goods
Use synonyms
 that can
last
Linking Words
 for a long period sounds can give individuals
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
money
Use synonyms
, I believe that manufacturing
products
Use synonyms
 that are affordable
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more beneficial to most population.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Task Response
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly discuss both views before presenting your own opinion. Integrate more detailed examples that specifically relate to the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, aim for a more structured organization of ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that paragraphs are clearly defined, each with a single main idea that is thoroughly developed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • disposable goods
  • economic benefits
  • frequent replacements
  • technological adaptation
  • manufacturing affordability
  • environmental responsibility
  • longevity
  • minimize costs
  • wider society
What to do next:
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