IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that protecting the natural environment is important but many doesn't seem to be bothered to take actions. What is causing this? And what are the possible solutions to this problem?

#people #environment #doesn #actions
It can be seen that
while
 numerous
people
 insist that protecting the natural environment is crucial,
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
doesn'
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
t
 take action
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with their own hands. It might be because they don'
t
 think they are making a
difference
,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 give up on doing anything.
This
 essay will address
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 issue with some possible ways that could potentially help our mother nature.
To begin
 with, some might believe that anything they do is futile and insignificant. They think they are just a drop in the ocean amongst millions
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
people
 around the world, so if
people
 around them are not trying,
this
 leads to less willingness to make inconvenient changes in their life lives.
For instance
, if I were to be told that public transport helps with less carbon footprint, despite knowing that, I wouldn'
t
 be willing to give up the ease and convenience of driving my own car because I'd think it is futile as I don'
t
 see
people
 are changing for the cause, feigning ignorance.
Additionally
, it might
also
 be the case that the general public is not aware of the
difference
 that they could make for the better. Authorities should bring
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
 attention by educating them about the global warming issues and the ways
people
 could help with protecting. Even though one's effort is insignificant in doing anything, unity is strength and small things add up.
For example
, flights contribute to a significant amount of greenhouse gases being produced, so with everybody's effort, limiting the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of flights is possible. In conclusion,
people
 should be educated on how to make a
difference
, resulting in the accumulated effort of humanity, which will surely result in making a
difference
.
Submitted by yyyoungyoung12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea followed by relevant explanations or examples. Maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas further to fully address all parts of the task. You should provide more depth in your explanations and include a broader range of relevant examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: