IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Spending money on old buildings is expensive; we should build new houses instead. To what extent do you agree?

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Architectural and other cultural heritage of all types is considered a source of pride for nations and evidence of their nobility. It is an expression of national identity and a link between the past and the present. The essay will discuss my agreement on renovating old buildings, even if it is expensive.
Firstly
Linking Words
, spending money on old historical
structures
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 can benefit the countries by preserving their
history
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 for the next generation so they can learn more and be able to witness the amazing
structures
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.
For instance
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, when the atomic bomb hit
Hiroshima
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, Japan, many of its cultural and archaeological landmarks were destroyed. The 500-year-old
Hiroshima
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 castle was one of the sites that suffered damage; it was rebuilt in 1957, and the building is currently a museum devoted to
Hiroshima
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's pre-war
history
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.
Secondly
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, the economy of the country can benefit from the presence of historic
structures
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 since visitors from all over the world come to see them, purchase various souvenirs, and sample local food.
For example
Linking Words
, the Great Wall of China welcomes around nine million tourists each year.
Finally
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, nations take pleasure in their architectural and cultural
history
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, which unites the past and present and expresses their grandeur. As demonstrated by the 1957 reconstruction of the
Hiroshima
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 castle, historic
structures
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 can be renovated to preserve
history
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 for future generations. The Great Wall of China, which welcomes millions of tourists each year, is another example of how historic
structures
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 may strengthen a country's economy. There are several reasons for
rebuild
Change the verb form
rebuilding
show examples
 historic
structures
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, but those are the main ones for my agreement.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer differentiation between agreeing and disagreeing perspectives. Currently, the essay mostly supports one side. Even if you agree, acknowledging opposing views can demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding.
task achievement
While the examples are relevant and specific, expanding on how they directly connect and reinforce your thesis might provide enriched insight.
coherence cohesion
Though the logical flow is generally clear, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance cohesion. Consider using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Strong, relevant examples like Hiroshima Castle and the Great Wall add depth and credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage by providing a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes main points and aligns with the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay does a good job in supporting main points with appropriate examples, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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