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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer
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The diagram illustrates the purpose of adults
decide
Wrong verb form
deciding
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart presents ways to
share
Use synonyms
adult
Use synonyms
 education
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults prefer to
study
Use synonyms
 because they are interested in
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the highest way people
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to
share
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of
adult
Use synonyms
 education is by individual.
Firstly
Linking Words
, based on the bar graph, there is 40%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 choose to
study
Use synonyms
 because attracted to the subject.
This
Linking Words
 reason's proportion is close to the reasons
of gain
Change preposition
for gaining
show examples
 qualification which stand at just 2%
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 it.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place, 22% of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 decide to
study
Use synonyms
 for
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 in
current
Correct pronoun usage
their current
show examples
 job. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improving prospects of promotion has the same contribution
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the reason
of enjoy
Change preposition
for enjoying
show examples
 learning which hit 20%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
remain
Wrong verb form
the remaining
show examples
 reasons are under 15%.
Next,
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, the highest number of
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to
share
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 is individually
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 40%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 35% of
Use synonyms
adult
Add an article
the adult
an adult
show examples
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to
share
Use synonyms
 the
cost
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
remain
Change the form of the verb
remaining
show examples
 25%, the smallest part, is via taxpayer.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words study, share, adult, cost with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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