Some people believe that public celebrations like national days and festivals are a waste of money. They are of the opinion that people should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own experience.
Festivals and national days have
been
a crucial role Verb problem
played
to foster
Change preposition
in fostering
the
sense of unity since the early Correct article usage
a
time
of civilizations, and these celebrations have always Fix the agreement mistake
times
been
required Unnecessary verb
apply
huge
amount of Correct article usage
a huge
Money
. At that point, there comes a question to the minds: whether spending money
on these activities are wasting
Replace the word
waste
Money
or not. It can easily stated that there are many pressing issues in our world including Change preposition
of Money
climate
chance
and Correct your spelling
change
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
crisis
, and in order to improve individuals life quality these crucial issues should be prioritized by governments.
Firstly
, one of the main issues which has harmful
impact on people’s Add an article
a harmful
live
is Replace the word
lives
climate
change
lead
to rising sea Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
level
and Fix the agreement mistake
levels
temperature
. Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
Hence
, many agricultural lands are affected badly either many areas have been stayed under the sea or plants can not be raised due to
the weather change
. As a result
,not only numerous farmer are
facing the danger of losing their income, but Change the verb form
is
also
all of the residants
of Correct your spelling
residents
globe
are facing the risk of losing their meals. Mitigating these adverse effects requires Add an article
the globe
huge
amount of Add an article
a huge
money
, with the help of a
strong Correct article usage
apply
foundations
countries may build new Change to a genitive case
foundation's
laboratuaries
, and may develop new techniques in order to combat the consequences of Correct your spelling
laboratories
the
Correct article usage
apply
climate
change
. Turning to another virtal
issue, Correct your spelling
virtual
vital
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
crisis
, many inhabitants who live in the city center
are suffering from overpriced houses. Since the global economic Change the spelling
centre
crisis
, many worker
had to move toward the city Change to a plural noun
workers
center
, and Change the spelling
centre
this
pattern resulted in housing
Add an article
a housing
the housing
crisis
. As the number of house supply could not affort
the demand the prices have dramatically increased. By investing in new Correct your spelling
afford
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
area
, Fix the agreement mistake
areas
this
proble
may be addressed by authorities.
Correct your spelling
problem
On the other hand
, with the aim of promoting the sense of nation, organising some festivals may seem valuable. While
citizens may feel the sense of comunity
deeper, as long as the globe is being Correct your spelling
community
hosted
those concerns Wrong verb form
hosting
such
as housing
Correct article usage
the housing
crisis
and climate
chance
spending Correct your spelling
change
money
on such
festivals may seem like wasting
the budget. The importance of togetherness could not be overlooked; Wrong verb form
a waste of
however
, unless solving more esssential isues
these celebrations should be waited. It is undeniable that the value of accessing affordable houses and alleviating the bad outcomes of Correct your spelling
essential issues
climate
change
is more essential than public celebrations for all people acroos
the globe.
Correct your spelling
across
To conclude
, when all the things are taken into are
account, the importance of national days should not be underestimated, but Unnecessary verb
apply
also
these events should not be at the top of priority. Governments should be prioritize
their Change the verb form
prioritize
citizen’s
Change noun form
citizens’
life
conditions and try to create a more livable environment for them by investing Replace the word
living
new
tech with the aim of combating Change preposition
in new
climate
change
, and
and providing more affordable and adequate Correct word choice
apply
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
area
.Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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task response
The essay provides a response to the prompt but tends to repeat the same ideas. To improve your score, ensure your points are distinct, and you fully develop each one with specific, varied examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure needs attention. An introductory sentence that clearly states your position would strengthen your introduction. Both introduction and conclusion exist but are underdeveloped. For better coherence, each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion. Ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your views without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the score for coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and sentences, and organize the essay into clear paragraphs. Avoid repetition and make sure each paragraph elaborates on a central idea. Also, work on punctuation and appropriate paragraphing to enhance the readability of the text.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example