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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1990, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1990, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999
#line #visits #uk #bar #countries #residents
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Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diagrams illustrate the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to and from the United Kingdom
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 11 years and the most famous countries in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total of
visitors
Use synonyms
 that went abroad from and came to England
was keep went
Wrong verb form
kept going
show examples
 up during the period in question.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the most popular country visited by UK citizens was France.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1979, people
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 from Britain was just above 10
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and it grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 20
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 human in roughly 1985. After that, it dramatically increased
30
Change preposition
by 30
show examples
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 it
stood
Wrong verb form
stand
show examples
 at over 50
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 10
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
foreign
Correct your spelling
foreigners who
show examples
 visited England
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of 1979. It had a slight change for approximately 5 years
then
Linking Words
 remarkably climbed
untill
Correct your spelling
to
 more than 20
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in 1999, a bit more than 10
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 Britain people visited France which
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
 highest number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 compared to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
. Not far
that
Change preposition
from that
show examples
 number, there was Spain with around 9
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
. The remaining data were
Turkey
Change preposition
from Turkey
show examples
, Greece, and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with just below 5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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