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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #measures #counter
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Many
festivals
 are currently in existence, and most of them are becoming outdated and meaningless. In my opinion, the degradation of traditional
festivals
 is causing cultural disintegration, and both local
people
 and the
government
 must
work
 together to put it into practice. One of the most serious consequences of festival disappearance is the loss of culture. More commercial
festivals
,
such
 as Black Friday, Christmas, and Easter, are becoming increasingly popular around the world. It directly and naturally endangers
the
Correct article usage
apply
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minor cultural groups and
festivals
. In the setting of Nepal,
for example
,
people
 are more inclined to celebrate Halloween and are more captivated
with
Change preposition
by
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 these English festivities than
with
Change preposition
by
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 their local
festivals
such
 as Dashain, Tihar, and Teej. To elaborate, many
people
 living in villages are still battling to prevent local festivities from being introduced and prioritized as so many other English
festivals
 are being introduced and focused
these
Change preposition
on these
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 days. It has a direct impact on the society's old traditions and culture.
This
 could lead to the extinction of the local language, culture, traditions, and cuisine in
this
 and future generations. In terms of various ways to avoid these local
festivals
, I strongly believe that both the local
government
 and the local
people
 must
work
 together.
To begin
, the
government
 should develop various plans and implications to encourage residents to celebrate their own
festivals
.
Similarly
, the
government
 might provide financial support to organizations that
work
 to maintain local
festivals
 and cultures.
Second,
locals should be informed of the significance of local events and traditions. Providing suitable information about our own
festivals
, celebrating them with our children, and explaining their origins and essence to them may aid in the preservation of these
festivals
 for future generations. To summarize, the loss of local
festivals
 has a natural impact on the cultural identities of various communities. Both the locals and the
government
 must
work
 together and take the initiative to maintain these local celebrations.
Submitted by sub.ranji on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that you develop your main points fully to increase the effectiveness of the argument. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, an expansion of the idea, and a relevant example or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to create a seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
While your response adequately addresses the task, including a wider range of relevant examples would enrich your essay. Strive to provide specific and varied examples for each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive wording or phrases and aim for a diversity in language use. This will enhance the quality of your writing and demonstrate a wide lexical resource.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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