The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

#information #attendance #entertainment #venues #admission #prices

The chart shows information that in 2009, the highest number of attendance at entertainment venues

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

the number of

people

going to the cinemas. One of the reasons why

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

people

prefer to watch the cinema

Correct your spelling

show examples

because the

ticket

cost is cheaper compared to admission

ticket

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

for other entertainment activities. The

ticket

price for one person is $15 and if someone

decide

Change the verb form

decides

show examples

brought

Change the verb

bring

show examples

people

with them, there is a discount available where tickets for 4

people

the

ticket

only

costs

Correct subject-verb agreement

cost

show examples

$55. The chart

also

shows that there's sports

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

also

a popular

event

but the number of attendance

Change preposition

show examples

the

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

is very low.

Due to

the fact, that

2009

Correct article usage

the 2009

show examples

football game admission

ticket

Fix the agreement mistake

tickets

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

more expensive rather than

movies

Fix the agreement mistake

movie

show examples

or theme

parks

Fix the agreement mistake

park tickets

show examples

ticket

. We can conclude, that the most popular entertainment

event

in 2009

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

watching movies in the cinema. Following that, there are

also

people

who took

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

theme

park

Fix the agreement mistake

parks

show examples

and sports

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

Submitted by indyynaila on Wed Dec 27 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, ticket, event with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

162 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

attendance
entertainment venues
admission prices
visitors
comparison
percentage
revenue
cost-effective
correlation
trends
marketing strategies
fluctuations
cultural events
accessibility
demographics
peak season
off-peak
consumer behavior
pricing strategy
profit margin

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The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people believe that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing.

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Government should spend money on railways rather than road. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?