The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.
The chart shows information that in 2009, the highest number of attendance at entertainment venues
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the number of
people
going to the cinemas. One of the reasons why
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of
people
prefer to watch the cinema
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
because the
ticket
cost is cheaper compared to admission
ticket
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
for other entertainment activities. The
ticket
price for one person is $15 and if someone
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
to
brought
Change the verb
bring
show examples
more
people
with them, there is a discount available where tickets for 4
people
the
ticket
only
costs
Correct subject-verb agreement
cost
show examples
$55. The chart
also
shows that there's sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
a popular
event
but the number of attendance
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
is very low.
Due to
the fact, that
2009
Correct article usage
the 2009
show examples
football game admission
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more expensive rather than
movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
show examples
or theme
parks
Fix the agreement mistake
park tickets
show examples
ticket
. We can conclude, that the most popular entertainment
event
in 2009
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
watching movies in the cinema. Following that, there are
also
people
who took
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
theme
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
and sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
.
Submitted by indyynaila on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, ticket, event with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • entertainment venues
  • admission prices
  • visitors
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • revenue
  • cost-effective
  • correlation
  • trends
  • marketing strategies
  • fluctuations
  • cultural events
  • accessibility
  • demographics
  • peak season
  • off-peak
  • consumer behavior
  • pricing strategy
  • profit margin
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