IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. what is the cause of this damage? What should be done to this problem?

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Nowadays, environmental devastations
such
Linking Words
 as water contamination and climate change are momentous issues for states and nations. There seem to be two causes, and a number of remedies, which we will discuss here. Perhaps the main factor is the subject of emissions exhaust fumes from
cars
Use synonyms
 and industrial areas.
This
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 means that
cars
Use synonyms
 burn fossil fuels and emit greenhouse gasses, which cause significant damage to the ecosystem and local environment.
For example
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, Tehran has heavy traffic every day that has devasting effects on air quality and is covered by clouds of pollution so it has dire consequences on all aspects of the environment.
Moreover
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, deforestation leads to increased
soil
Use synonyms
 erosion and habitat loss. Roots of trees could keep
soil
Use synonyms
 and prevent the movement of particles of
soil
Use synonyms
 as the Zagros forest burnt in Iran results in the vanishing of unique species. Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step would be to prevent factories from producing gasoline
cars
Use synonyms
, and a growing number of buses.
For instance
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, the government could pay subsidies to manufacturers to encourage them to supply hybrid
cars
Use synonyms
.
Also
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, the government could acclaim that if people used public transport, they would discount to tax.
Furthermore
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, the state could educate youth about the advantages of waste separation and give rewards like some European countries pay money to teenagers who accumulate plastic bottles.
Moreover
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, the state should impress farmers with the toll of pesticides and fertilizers, because these could pollute
soil
Use synonyms
 and waterways.
this
Linking Words
 means that the government encourages farmers to introduce eco-friendly pest control initiatives. In conclusion, car fumes and logging seem to be the main causes of damaging the environment in different countries, and taxing and public transportation development would be relevant solutions for the decline in environmental destruction.

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task achievement
Ensure you fully develop your ideas. Both causes and solutions for environmental damage were mentioned, but the development of certain points was somewhat limited, and examples were not always detailed enough.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, which is commendable. However, make sure they are both fully reflective of the content within the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately to enhance the flow of the essay. While you do use linking words, there's room for even smoother transitions and clearer relationships between points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraphing. Each paragraph should focus on one central idea and fully flesh it out before moving to the next.
task achievement
Support your main points with detailed examples. Using specific instances or statistics can strengthen your argument and fulfill the task requirements more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • urbanization
  • overpopulation
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • fossil fuels
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable agriculture
  • recycling systems
  • international cooperation
  • conservation
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